Memories

I'm not sure if it is because of my current migraine (which resulted in several houts in a darkened room yesterday) but for some reason lots of old, forgotten memories seem to be creeping back into my brain. And probably forcing something important out...

For some reason I've gone back 13 years to 2000 and my first encounter with "energize' I already knew I couldn't see Andy at the beginning of the week due to bowljng and an ongoing commitment on Tuesday evenings involving the people I was going to meet on Easter Sunday afternoon. At that point I only knew where Andy lived, but we were only going round the corner...

To say I was nervous was one hell of an understatememt. My boyfriend of a couple of weeks had warned me that of the people I was going to meet didn't like me, the relationship was over. No pressure then! !!

I messed things up from the very beginning by asking who the 2 men outside were...I was quickly told one was a woman. Luckily things improved from there and I only got sexualities wrong from then on  - but waited until we left to ask anymore questions. And I'm fairly sure I have apologised to the people I made a mistake about! !!

One memory I do hold dear is the fact that everyone there that afternoon welcomed me and I am so pleased that 13 years later with everything that has happened to all of us, I can still call them my friends.

Mind Wandering Thoughts

This being out work is giving me far too much time to think... Mikey fills up as much time as he can and I am, most of the time, loving having time with him as he is changing and growing so quickly right now.But me being me I am also thinking far too much.

When I left school at 17 (I was one of the youngest in my year) I decided I had had enough of being in a classroom setting being talked at. If I'm honest I really wasn't old enough at that time to cope/survive University and the fact the my Mum wanted me to go as she was never given the opportunity was enough to make me dig my heels in and refuse to go. My Dad was very understanding but pointed out that if I wasn't going I needed to find a job...as instructed I did and started at Royal Insurance in Maidstone in September 1989. I started in Accounts on the MPP section looking after the Brighton Branch (MPP = monthly payment plan, or direct debits in English) For some reason vague memories of that time are popping back into my head, it really isn't important that I remember Brighton was Branch 304, Kingston 406, Maidstone 311 and Croydon 415. There was another branch but I can't remember the number so it really wasn't important!! (The branch was Canterbury and was the only office other than Maidstone that I worked in!)while things I had forgotten are popping into my head maybe I should record them before I forget them again!

But in the meantime, going back to the 17  year old me (A frightening image) today I have been thinking about the course opportunities I turned down, and my stupid stubbornness (If that is a word!! I really need some more education) and ( seem to have reached the decision that I want to study again. At the moment I don't know what I want to study, just that I want to! But I have taken the first step and sent off for the OU prospectus and I can start seriously thinking and I'm aiming for a spring 2014 start if I can sort out the finances etc for it. At the moment I'm torn 3 ways, History if I can find a Tudor Course, Psychology or English Lit. But seeing as the place I got was for Engineering it could all change again!!

As well as cost I need to carefully look at the time I'll need to set aside for study, I don't want Andy and Mikey to suffer for my selfish desires. I know I'm looking back with darkly rose tinted glasses but I did enjoy the study involved with my A-Levels, although I have also remembered that I still owe Mrs Seggery an essay on the US Legal System and the set up of the Judiciary from State to state and also Federally. (Did I mention my brain was being weird beyond weird now!!!!) my original plan at 18 was to do Business Studies, but after some of my business experiences over the last 20 or so years and especially in the last few weeks I would prefer to study something I'm not doing all day at work!!!

And it's over

Well my time as a Utility has ended rather abruptly. The reason I was given at lunchtime was that I hadn't picked up their computer systems quickly enough... I started yesterday and only got logon ID's etc at lunchtime today. Also having been responsible for new starters in a variety or work places I would never treat a new starter in the way I was treated...

1) I never even met the team leader
2) There was no structure to the training I had, yesterday afternoon I was listening in to phone calls and watching the systems being used, so I was only shown the 'bits' needed for those calls.
3) I was new to the water industry and they used jargon like it is going out of fashion...nobody gave me any insight or background. All I knew I found out on the intranet today.
4) I was given no opportunity to reply...the decision was made and I was left feeling small, insignificant and totally useless. My self confidence has had another huge knock and now I have to start the repair/patching job again.

I had a good cry with Mikey once we got home and got a hug from our neighbour and then started job hunting again... I have applied for another 10 and have been called by one Agency about 1 already. The perfect job for me is out there somewhere...all I have to do is find it.

Nerves kicking in...

Tomorrow is the big day when I'm back at work for the first time since the end of November last year. I have mostly loved the time I have been able to spend with Mikey, and now I'm having to leave him again...For the third time in his life, but there is no way we can afford for me not to work. I'm just grateful that we have found Debbie and he is so happy with her. It makes things so much easier for me knowing he is with someone I trust and who I know will do her best for him as he grows up...I believe her first challenge is going to be potty training! The only problem she may have is he often pops into the bathroom when I'm on the loo, but that doesn't really teach him much about his physical make up!!

 Another problem I'm having right now is my usual lack of self confidence. I have proved at both URS and CSL that I am more than capable of doing the job, but at the moment I have the horrible shadowy voice lurking behind me whispering into my ear that I'm going to make a huge mess, just as everyone who knows me would expect me to. I was never so lacking in self confidence before being ill...in fact a colleague who gave me my system training when I joined Norfolkline told me that I had an ability to talk about things I didn't  know and yet sound confident and believable. (At the time I was trying to train a temp who could speak German but had no idea what chasing people for payment involved.) We eventually decided that I would draft e-mails etc in English and she translated them into German and we did well like that until it was decided that her face 'didn't fit' and I was pushed into taking on a permanent staff member I didn't want (and who I eventually managed out of the job - not something I am proud of, but meant when someone tried to do it to me I knew what was going on.) If someone could sent me an imp to sit on my shoulder who will tell me on a loop that I am perfectly able to do this...

Thankfully our major Snow Event didn't really happen in Ashford!! Poor Folkestone seemed to be hammered as did Medway, but as the gritters have now been out all day I'm hoping that the M20 will stay open and ice free for tomorrow! The trip home could be a bigger challenge as Operation Stack is on as Northern France has also had a fairly substantial snow event which has led to eurotunnel cancelling their trains today and the gales/storms in the channel have also meant lorries being delayed over here, plus there was a problem actually getting them into Dover to go through to the Port.

I only went as far as Sainsbury's today, Mikey came with me and was not impressed that his hands got cold! (Terrible Mummy forgot his mittens) plus the store had closed the entrance on the parent & child carpark side and walking around to the opposite entrance meant taking on a kind of windtunnel to get in...I have no idea what the wind chill factor was there - but it was colder than England is meant to be! But rather than following the sheep and stockpiling bread and milk, I needed baby wipes! I did get some more bread as I know we will run out before the end of the week, plus I had to restock the chocolate stash!

Guilty Pleasure

Sunday evening is one of my guilty pleasures...basically I'm a bit of a Gleek! I know I'm not their target audience but I enjoy it. Tonight was a Christmas episode which also touched on the pressures to conform. The character Marley has either anorexia or bullimia and Sue Sylvester who is usually the person you love to hate broke into her home and left a tree and money for treatment.

As the mother of a boy I had hoped I'll never see my child feel under pressure to conform to peer group pressure. Yet he has already asked if he is fat and if he should be on a diet...HE ISN'T EVEN 3 YET.

I have no idea who has put these ideas into his head but right now he is in proportion and neither over or underwriter.  Who the hell tells a toddler that he is fat

Further Update

Life has been rather manic this week! Unfortunately it started on a bit if a downward move. I spent most of Monday e-mailing loads of stuff to the Agency ready for all the checks Verifone needed to be done. Once they had all gone, including the form for my CRB check which had to be sent rather than going quickly by e-mail, I relaxed and had some quality time with my son who seemed to feel his Disney Junior comic is better in a loose leaf format for some reason...I really can't understand how the toddler version (or the adult version) of the male brain works, and to be honest I'm not sure I want to!!!

Tuesday appeared, bright and rather nice, I sent over yet more documents and got on with my day with Mikey, but just as Andy got home I got a call from the Agency to tell me that the job at Verifone had totally fallen through. It appears to all be down to internal Politics, a previous employee who had left to go travelling had stayed in touch with their previous direct line manger who had agreed to give them the credit control job I was offered the Friday before. This Manager was in charge of credit control in the UK owned firm, but has been replaced by the new US owners, I can only imagine that Mahanna doesn't yet feel secure enough to over ride the decision and I really don't envy her taking on a team who just want to over ride her decisions...I have been in that position and the stress nearly killed me. My agency weren't too impressed wither - they had paid out for the credit and CRB checks and as I wasn't now being appointed they have no way to reclaim their costs. Somehow I doubt they will ever agree to act on behalf of Verifone again. As our conversation was ending Paul mentioned he was also recruiting for another 6 month contract, unfortunately not as close to home but a similar salary and could he send my CV? I had no reason to say no (I still need a job) so agreed and was told I probably wouldn't hear until sometime next week if they want to interview me.

Wednesday was not a good day as I was, in theory, starting work on Thursday but now had nothing to do but start job hunting yet again. Mid morning I got a call from the Agency, I had got an interview on Friday at 12.30. I agreed then started thinking about what to do with Mikey - not exactly a professional move to take him with me! Thankfully Nanny & Grandad were available and that suited Mikey down to the ground! Luckily this only gave me 2 days to wind myself up, and on Thursday Mikey was in a totally adorable mood and happily ate whatever he could get hold of! We had a really good time together and I got lots of cuddles - something I never say no to!!

Friday morning was slightly manic as my interviewed was moved forward to 12 and I needed to get Mikey to Medway before 11.15 when Nanny was off for  hairdressers appointment. The weather was yucky, wet and getting more and more foggy the nearer I got to Nanny and Grandad. Bless him, Mikey had filled is nappy on the trip over so my first job was to change a nappy whilst trying to keep a black suit clean! For once he didn't wriggle too much and he was soon redressed and busy plying with the Toys Nanny had brought downstairs interspersed with trips up to my old room to find more toys! We all left at approx 11.15, me to find South East Water in Snodland, and Mikey and Grandad to drop Nanny at the hairdressers and then go to see Aunty Nicky!

My trip to Snodland was pretty uneventful, but very foggy and far to many white and silver car drivers seem to have forgotten to put lights on - complete imbeciles. I found to office, but the carpark was totally full so I soon found a space on the road and wandered back to reception through the rain and dampness. I was 10-15 minutes early and a lady from HR took me over to the building the interviews were happening in and the candidate before me had already finished so I went in early. To be honest I don't feel I interviewed very well as I was too aware of how much we needed me to get this job - also I had assumed this would be credit control for corporate customers, but it wasn't, it is for private customers, last time I dealt with direct customers was my first job and Royal Insurance (and a few at URS, but they were mostly insane, I never got any sense out of them!!) I was out by 12.20 so called the Agency back to report that I didn't feel it went well and  I didn't feel I had interviewed well at all... Including a bad case of mouth like a desert which made speaking tough! Paul said he would let them know I didn't feel I had interviewed well then they went back to him. So I headed back to Walderslade to find Mikey and have some lunch. As the Fog seemed to be getting thicker Nanny didn't want us leaving too late so at around 2.30 we were trying to get Mikey to put his coat on I noticed my phone was receiving a call. It turned out to be Paul - I was offered the Job!! It turned out all the candidates were from his Agency and I was the only one who hadn't felt it went well!! Denise had asked Paul to contact me first and I assume there was a 2nd, 3rd etc choice if I turned it down...Needless to say I didn't,  and I start next Wednesday! I have now decided that I am only accepting future interviews on Fridays!By the time we got home I decided I was going to have a couple of hours feeling smug! I had beaten 4 other candidates as well qualified as me and the feedback I had been given was rather nice. It isn't often that I feel happy about something I've done or achieved so I decided to make the most of it!

So now Mikey and I have 2  more days together then he is back to Debbie for 4 days a week and Nanny & Grandad for 1 day, he is also going to start potty training now as both Debbie and I have noticed lots of signs that he is ready. And the thought of being nappy free and travelling a little lighter also appeals!!

Experiment!!!

This is a sort of test...I've loaded the app onto my phone so now I can blog when and wherever I want too!!!

My main problem is I have no idea how to post this...
Probably time to press everything on the screen to see what happens!!!!!

Crash Down

Today has been a day of extremes...I started of apprehensively as yesterday with Mikey was best described as a total nightmare. But today he was a totally different child, cute, smiley and cuddly. I put the change down to him realising that there won't be any massive changes and possibly he had picked up that the changes may not happen until next week.

But as I found out earlier this evening there are not going to be any changes at all. My agency called to let me know that they have been having a major row with Verifone who have decided that the job they offered to me on Friday has been subsequently offered to an ex-employee who had resigned to go and travel. Also the job has altered to a 3 month probation which will then turn into a permanent role. Apparently this person has stayed in tough with their previous manager (not the credit control manager) and they handed them the vacancy without checking with the Manager handling the appointment. Paul who looks after me at the Agency is furious as they messed me around a few weeks ago by fibbing about calling me when they didn't, and then they offer me the job very quickly following my phone conversation but also demand a basic CRB check and a credit check as well to be done prior to me starting. I was also asked if I would commit to staying for at least 3 months as recently they have had a couple of temporary staff walk out after 1 or 2 days. I agreed to all this and have been sending scanned copies of forms and proof if ID all over the place!

I was very calm while I was talking to Paul, but if I'm honest I am tempted to go and put a large stone of brick through as many of their windows as I can (but then again that would bugger up any future CRB check) He is almost as angry as I am and has told me that I have acted professionally throughout this fiasco and he is now searching even harder to find something for me. I have used this Agency before and they have always acted professionally on my behalf, it is just a shame that some of their clients find it impossible to act ethically. Having worked for a couple of US Companies in the past I know how keen most of the reputable are to show their ethical work practises and how they care about the people they employ. It is a shame that VERIFONE aren't one of them. Personally I hope that Michael Page International aren't left out of pocket for the work they have done on my behalf...and maybe I have had a lucky escape as they really don't like to treat their temporary staff well - maybe I should have picked that up from the 2 before me who walked out so quickly...

Just a thought, they are opposite a pub...maybe someone will do what I'm not brave enough to...

All change!

When I left CSL after being made redundant I sort of decided it was going to take me 3 months to find another job. Finding the job at CSL had taken me less that this and I can only think I was making an allowance for the downturn in the UK's finances. I know from experience that when times get tough credit controllers are usually sacrificed early as although we collect money, we don't actually generate any extra income personally. This time it has taken me 3 months and 1 day - I am taking this as a success as February only has 28 days and I was interviewed and got the job on 1st March (also my Mum's birthday, another good omen I hope)

I will be working for Verifone, provided all my credit and CFB checks come back ok, I am happy that I'll still be in Ashford rather than on the other side of Maidstone in the middle of nowhere. Since 2008 my priorities really have changed and I really want to find that illusive state known as work/life balance. Even more so since Mikey's arrival...I've had my time dashing around and putting work above everything else. I have finally accepted that I'm not irreplaceable, I am not essential to a large, international company and if I am not there it is easy to replace me. But replacing my son...not possible.

Although the last 2 days have not been easy with Mikey, we are well into the 'Terrible Twos' This morning I had a wooden car track and a basket full of cars and various crayons thrown at me. Hopefully the fact I haven't taken my blood thinning tablets over the last few days will mean I won't get too many bruises. In the end after moving most of his toys to the kitchen I decided we both needed a time out so I somehow got him up stairs (thank goodness my hair was tied back as he was trying to grab a handful or 2 while also kicking me. I'm also relieved I hadn't put his shoes on earlier, he got dumped into bed rather unceremoniously and the gate on his doorway was shut so he couldn't escape. I went up to check on him once the yelling had quietened down and he was fast asleep. It seems now he can get out of bed himself he's getting himself up far too early. He already has a blackout blind, maybe a gro-clock is a good idea as it shows him clearly when it's ok to get u and when he should be asleep...

We are also still having fun with food...or a lack of food if I'm honest! He will still happily eat microwaved french fries with a side of Ketchup, spicy couscous, and spaghetti or beans. Fromage frais is also still a big favourite, both for it's taste and the mess it can create. But as for protein from meat - not happening at all...on a really good day he might eat a quarter of a fish finger (provided it is smothered in ketchup).

I'm sure he is going to love being back with his childminder, it gets him away from his terrible mother who seems to spend most of her time saying No to whatever he wants to do...Plus he'll have a whole conservatory full of new toys to play with. And being next door to the playground is even better - for a 2 year old it is going to be heaven!