It's safe to say this has not been a great week for me... I've mastered bursting into tears on a regular basis at work and got summoned for a chat and basically told to get signed off and have a break and relax..good to know someone noticed and cared!
I saw my GP on Friday and after I explained how I was feeling and what was happening he signed me off and asked me how long I wanted! I've taken 2 weeks or going back again will be even harder, plus that is what Rachel suggested at counselling last time I went. I'm being a huge coward and haven't told my family... they find it hard to accept mental illness and are still of the opinion that Im making myself ill and I should just pull myself together and I'll be fine and exactly how I was at the start of last year. It's more probable that I've been building up to this for years and being ill was the only way I gave in long enough for it to break through and me to even pay attention to how I was really feeling. Shame they don't read this as it is easier than trying to talk about it as that just makes me emotional and I start crying again. And I'm pretty much cried out so far.
But - one positive move, I have joined another choir in Ashford...apparenty the womn who runs it knows my father! But singing again is something I have really missed and I want to do again in some shape or form... I got so emotional just watching my old choir sing so I know I need to try this, hopefully they won't mind out of tune squealing!!!
I'd like to join a choir - even though my voice is awful. Trouble is, most choirs are religious-related.
ReplyDeleteHeather
ReplyDeleteJust read you blog about depression and how your family feel about it, to be honest they will never understand what it like, its one those thing you have to have to understand.
I was like your family and friends up till 7 months ago I would tell you the same “snap out it” but I do know what you’re going through now.
I’ve had counselling up till recently but started to feel down again and it’s the silly things that set me off too.
But the one the thing I have found it just talking to someone helps I’ve started to call Samaritans late at night as I’ve know one else to talk too but a friendly chat makes all the difference. So just let it out i.e. it’s better to let it out than have the emotion build up inside you.
So take care yourself.