I'm not having a great day right now.... It is easy to say I am getting stressed far too easily and I need to find a way of avoiding that. I need to thicken my skin I guess and learn to let things wash over me and to not react in the way I do. I'm fantastic at over reacting and I can get almost paranoid. Maybe my appointment with my new psychiatrist is exactly what I need at the moment - I'm getting far too close to just giving up and trying to just kep everyone else happy and simply let Heather vanish and disappear even more.
If I'm honest right now I just feel totally trapped, the more I fight the tighter the ropes that hold me seem to feel. To quote Mr Mercury 'I want to break free' but the only problem is I have no idea what I want to do next, only that I need something new and different to stop me sinking back into the mess that was my old life.
The stupid headache is still pounding away happily inside my skull and the site of the bloodtest is now a wonderful mis of bruise and blood under the skin. I just hope the results are back on Friday when I go the see the 4th Dr about this - he'd better come up with a solution that will stop the pounding of at least dull the pain so I don't keep wanting to drill a hole in my head to relieve the pressure.
Sorry, not a nice update, but I'm feling down and have decided not to keep trying to behave how other people expect and demand I do. If I'm feeling down there is more tha probably a reason for it and I will act/behave how I feel rather than try to be someone I'm not.
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