If you are looking for a new hobby or recreational activity, make sure it is a creative activity that you can pursue without spending yourself silly. You have some wonderfully creative aspects right now, but you are drawn to pricey, shiny things and that could cost a lot.

So it appears I need a new, creative yet cheap new hobby...everything I've considered trying in the past would be fairly expensive just to set up to start, I still have some cross stitch kits but I need a  lamp with a daylight bulb just to sort out and use the right colours... so any bright ideas, please let me know!!

Mikey and I have had a pretty good week so far (OK, I know it's only Tuesday!) But today has been totally tantrum free and Mikey has been quite adorable. And he has only redecorated the tree a couple of times and he is starting to put things back on the tree... We are still having fun getting him to eat though. On Sunday we went to my Sisters for Christmas Lunch (as they are heading Stateside at the end of this week) and Mikey really was not in an eating mood, stupidly I tried to push a bit and he simply grabbed a wine glass and threw it on the tiled floor! It didn't bounce...thankfully it was an Ikea special rather then crystal or anything like that.

Job hunting is really getting me down now...I'm still angry that I got the system at my last place of employment working so well. I did exactly what they wanted but not with the American Ledger as they simply didn't let me get my hands on it. If I had been given the chance to work on it I could have got that sorted and the overdue debt into a much more manageable state and kept a job I enjoyed. Instead I am now getting the 'You would get bored, you're over qualified and we're not even going to bother replying other than to tell you that you have not been successful at this time' It is getting extremely disheartening and I have no idea what to do right now (other than curl up in bed and cry, hoping the world will leave me alone) 

I'm also not feeling ready for Christmas yet, usually by now I'm feeling excited and looking forward to the 'big day' but I'm not feeling anything at all. I've tried watching Christmas films, listening to Christmas Music but nothing seems to be working. Maybe I'm trying too hard as this is the first Christmas Mikey has really been getting involved in, I doubt he'll remember this but I want it to be perfect for him... He is going to have to come food shopping with me on Thursday, this is when I'm going to hope that the lack of tantrums continues!! Provided I actually manage to find a parking space there of course... I had done the shopping on line, but I can't us nectar points there and having been saving them up I'd prefer to use them towards the Christmas food! I'm also nipping into Waitrose as they sent me a voucher to use with my 'My Waitrose' card - right now I'm taking all the help I'm sent!

Mikey has been getting really engrossed in the Early Learning Centre catalogue! He gets totally over excited and he ends up jumping up and down like a total lunatic, usually on my foot so there is a good chance I'll be on crutches by the time we get to Christmas...if I am they are going to get decorated!!! But he's only mastered jumping recently so takes every opportunity he can to demonstrate!!! I'm still trying to sell some of his younger aged toys, but getting nowhere fast...maybe I'll send them to the next NCT sale...but from what I've heard we are going to need quite a bit of space for everything that Father Christmas will deliver on the night of the 24th!!

Mid December Blues

I am feeling a tad down right now and I'm having a bit of an issue picking up the Christmas 'Buzz' But we do now have a tree (which I really missed last year) and Mikey is having a lovely time trying to blow the lights out! And as we have twinkly lights he thinks he's managed it on many occasions!! He has now lost interest in removing decorations and tinsel, much to Andy's relief!!

We tried to sort of kick start Christmas on Sunday and were planning on taking Mikey to Bybrook Barn to visit Father Christmas. Inside the centre it was very christmassy but there was no sign of the big man. I found an assistant who told me he was outside. As we walked to the door there was a sign to the 'Santa Fe land train' as we walked out it arrived as was a small tractor disguised as a train engine with a small coach with visitors and Captain Hook inside. At this point Mikey freaked out, there was no point trying to get him onto the train so we walked down the side of a rather haphazard looking shed. As we walked past a door back into the centre Mikey pushed me inside and told me clearly 'Not Now' so we left! I really don't want him to be scared of Father Christmas and miss out on the tradition of leaving a mince pie and carrot out on Christmas Eve. I did it for years and I'd like him to follow suit. We have now booked him into Dobbies for next Friday to visit the Big Man there with Mummy and Daddy, hopefully they don't have a noisy train!!

It has also been fun recently with Mikey hitting the 'terrible twos' in a big way! Last week we had a major melt down just because Daddy left the Outlet Centre without him (we'd met him there to go round Hamleys) and at the moment simply saying no to him has the same effect. We also got it a few times today when a programme finished before he was ready for it to end. Personally I am losing the will to live with an endless rotation of Thomas and Friends, Fireman Sam and Roary the Racing Car. I am also keeping all presents well hidden at the moment as I'm not sure he could resist them since he has now learnt how to open presents, whoever they are really for!

My sister has now moved into her dream house, I've only seen the estate agents photos so far but apparently it is big enough for Mikey to drive his car around the ground floor... everyone had better protect their ankles as  I'm not sure how in control of the vehicle he is so far...

Toddler Mood Swings

http://siplumb.wordpress.com/2012/12/02/25/

Just read this and it was scary how much I could identify with it...Right now I'm working hard to keep upbeat and positive, mainly for Mikey's sake if I'm honest - he is a wonderful reason most of the time that keeps me going.

I was doing well until this evening. I had arranged with Andy to meet him at the outlet centre so we could take Mikey to Hamley's to see if we could find anything else for Christmas for him. When I picked him up he had a mini tantrum as I tried to get him into the car, which was calmed down by telling him we were going to meet Daddy - although as we arrived he was asking for Nanny and Grandad!! He wasn't impressed that I put him in his pushchair but cheered u as he saw Daddy and he had a good look around (The Weeble Yellow School Bus certainly grabbed his attention) But as time went on he lost interest and started screaming so I made a hasty exit as the screaming volume and intensity was increasing far too quickly. Daddy walked part of the way back to my car but as he left the volume went up even more and as I tried to get him out of the chair he went crazy, screaming and Kicking whilst refusing to bend to fit into his chair. Once I had almost got him in he threw himself sideways to fall out of the chair and found he can just about stand up straight on the back seat. When I went to the other side he moved to stand in the middle and when I tried to touch him screamed even more.

Eventually I convinced him that if he let me put him in his chair we could get home and then he'd see Daddy again. As I tried to get him into his seat again he did the rigid thing again and started screaming for help. At this point an older woman walked back to her car which was parked nose to nose with mine. At this point he decided that he needed to breath so I heard her comment to her companions that I must be a terrible mother as I couldn't even get my child into his car seat. I was nearly in tears by this point and Mikey again threw himself out of his seat and returned to his position in the middle of the back seat and told me he wasn't using his seat. At this point I got into the car and calmly explained that Mummy is not allowed to drive the car if he isn't in his seat.  Eventually he agreed to let me strap him in safely and we arrived home to find he'd dropped the thing with the most importance to him...his dummy, lucky for him Daddy went out and found it. And he did eventually say sorry and give me a hug - but he also said sorry to Daddy...guess I know now where my  place is in his list of priorities...certainly below his dummy.

Endings...and beginnings

My horoscope today:

You need to stretch out and relax today. Don't let your work-related worries or a family problem get under your skin. You may find that a little time alone with some good music and some comfort food could work wonders on your mood and sense of wellness.

So all I need is to put my feet up, decide what is good music for today and find some comfort food...Might just charge up my i-pod and stick it on shuffle and I'm sure there must be a comfort food stash somewhere in the house - if there isn't the tub of celebrations may not last much longer!!

Poor Mikey still has a streaming cold and a cough. Last night he was having so much trouble breathing it sounded like whooping cough, but he has had 3 lots of immunisation so far and is due the last one next October. NHS Direct really calmed me down last night, I'd been calm upstairs with Andy, but only really relaxed once I'd read that he is protected. Why couldn't he have got chicken pox so all I need to do is stop him scratching!!!

We've also had day 1 of the new Advent Calendar, Mikey did have one last year, but this year it is altogether more exciting!! This has arrived courtesy of Nanny and Grandad and is a large stocking with 24 pockets on the front and a candy cane to move each day. Mikey had his treat for today, thoroughly enjoyed his chocolate and then asked for the next one!! In his defence Grandad had a magic pocket yesterday that produced a lindt chocolate bear and a kinder bar (like the one he had this morning) so my small pig seemed to think he would get more than one a day!! But I'm sure he will soon work it out and Christmas will become more exciting for him as he does!! We have still to go and see Father Christmas although he did get a letter from the top man this morning - apparently he is about the same height as the elves at the moment! Mikey wasn't to sure what to make of this, and I'm not sure Father Christmas will understand him when he gets going! I know Andy and I don't and end up trying to make the best guess with the odd word we do understand!!

One thing we do know is no presents an go under the tree until Christmas Eve as Mikey has worked out the tearing wrapping paper off is a great occupation, but he doesn't care who they are actually for!! So Santa can't make any early deliveries this year as Mikey can't read labels yet...

Yesterday was a rather strange end to my time at CSL...as Mikey was so poorly I stayed at home with him and then had a diabetes eye test in the afternoon. Not exactly fun as they dilate your pupils with some stuff which stings so far as I'm concerned. 2 photos are taken of each eye - and usually it takes more than 4 attempts for get photos of my eyeballs as my blink reflex is pretty fast. But the technician yesterday threatened to tape my eyes open so I managed to slow my blink down! But after 4 photos she was happy and I was allowed to leave, much to my relief and with a horrible headache which carried on all of yesterday evening, but does seem to have vanished mostly today thank goodness - although my legs doesn't seem to want to do what I want today and the family curse of painful knees has returned again - but I'm leaving the operations and platelet infusions to Nicky and the replacements to Mum!! So my exit from CSL happened on Wednesday with me dashing home just after 3 as Mikey was not a well little boy - and he is the most important person in my life now.

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Looking forward

I am trying really hard to be positive right now...The main up type thoughts are, 1) I get to spend more time with Mikey 2) I won't have a 60 mile round trip drive every day 3) I won't be spending anything like as much on Petrol and 4) I can try to find a job nearer home so I will hopefully see more of Mikey when I go back to work. I can be truthful and say I'm not going to miss the drive, especially in the dark as it really isn't helping to reduce my headaches and the lights coming towards me on country lanes make me feel really dizzy...

So far I have applied for over 40 jobs (to be honest I don't think it's too bad for 1 week) but they are pretty much all over Kent and some I think will end up in London...that is something I'd rather avoid. I know the salaries are higher and 5 years ago I did consider it...but my priorities are slightly different now so while I still have the option to make a choice that is what I'm doing - so London is a no right now...(I'm female so I reserve the right to change my mind!)

I have an appointment at an agency in Maidstone next week, they are the people who got me the job at Norfolkline so I'm slightly apprehensive about going there, but they have been advertising credit control jobs in Ashford which would be perfect for me...so I'll go in with my new positive attitude and smile sweetly to convince them my CV should be sent to the employer as soon as possible! Right now I don't have enough to do so a job that will keep me busy is exactly what I need/want! If I'm doing a job I prefer to keep busy all the time, if I get bored my mind tends to wander and then I can get into mischief (what chance does Mikey stand with a mother like me???) But I'm sure Mikey won't mind if I leave him with Nanny and Grandad for a while...

This evening on my way home I need to stop at our local primary school as they are having an evening for prospective parents... I know mine is only 2 and a half but I really want him to go to this school as it has a good reputation and good results...plus we live opposite it and Debbie could continue to have him before and after school so he gets continuity which I feel is important, even if he is picking up a Scottish accent! I think I can express and interest in the school soon - but my main reason for going is to find if they have a pre-school class as I think that will do him good - especially as he is an only child and currently the only one with Debbie during the day. He needs to learn to socialise etc before it's too late.

When is this year over?

This is not a good week... but at least it should now start to improve, I don't even want to think how it could get any worse. Basically as of next Friday I am out of work. It is now anything I've done or not done, but all down to economics and a large pink elephant in the States (Sorry, private joke between Mikey and me) I'm more at the angry stage right now, they wanted a credit control system - they now have one and the UK outstanding is healthier than it has ever been before...

But I know what I've done is good and the system works provided someone puts the work in...and I can't see that happening. But if they don't work it then it will collapse...and getting me back to sort it out would cost them a whole lot more than they are paying right now.

Sorry, short post, but I'm shattered and have done a fair bit of crying today

A step into an unknown place....

Yesterday, as well as using me as a mummy mattress, which he hasn't done for ages, Mikey announced he needed a wee and wanted his potty! I was slightly flabbergasted and went into a minor panic mode while I looked frantically for his potty and tried to get him within my reach! We explained (for me, calmly) that he needed to pull his trousers down and take off his nappy. Unluckily he seemed to find this concept rather unwelcome and once we had stripped him down to the necessary, he gingerly sat, or hovered, over the potty and screamed! At this point we decided that retreat was our best option and found a new nappy and pulled his trousers back up. At which point he triumphantly sat happily on the potty!

I mentioned this 'experience' to Debbie today and she (having been through this before) decided that she would sit him on a potty each time she changed him. I did warn her about the screams as I like her and don't want her to decide that she is only taking school age children! I have received a text this morning advising he will only sit on the potty with his trousers on (again). Maybe this is going to take longer than I thought and I have a feeling it will also involve lots of laundry! But I also think it may be time to get some pull ups rather than 'normal' nappies so he can get used to everything involved with the process - and the standing up part is down to his father to teach him - after all I have no knowledge or experience of it!!

At the moment I'm trying to convince myself I'm feeling better. I was off work last week with a virus (for once I was happy with the diagnosis as it meant no more antibiotics!) I started to feel better last Friday and had a chat with a Dr (as usual no chance of an appointment) and was given some stuff to help reduce the symptoms. Yesterday I was feeling OK until I got to work and realised my glasses were 30 miles away in Ashford! So there was plenty squinting etc and I got through the day. This morning was different. I woke up feeling decidedly queasy, if I didn't know it was impossible I would have gone down the morning sickness route. I made it to work somehow (I have no real recollection of coming off the M20 and getting here!) and decided to sit quietly until I felt better and the world stopped spinning around me. That didn't happen very quickly but I did make it to the bathroom before the spinning took real effect. I guess I can see now why breakfast might have been a good idea rather than using stomach acid. After I'd cleaned up I grabbed a glass of water and wobbled back to my desk - I have now discovered that Tic Tacs are a great pick you up and help your mouth feel a whole lot fresher! Those little green and orange ovals kept me going this morning! At this point I decided to just get stuck into something and try to ignore the feeling that I was going to fall off my chair and the pains in my left side (whomever was stabbing a voodoo doll of me, please stop - it hurts!) at least kept me awake while I shivered. If this is a virus it really should be cultured and would soon bring most disputes to an end very quickly - provided they find a way to make it go away! At the moment I'm trying the cup a soup and sandwich cure! And my follow that up with the Kitkat I've been carrying around for a while! Actually, thinking about it I may well have the cure...Andy and I were both ill at the start of last week but Mikey has been fine...wasn't that how penicillin was discovered??? Or maybe his formula milk may have previously unknown protective qualities!!!