Sunday 19 October 2014

Ups and downs

I'm feeling decidedly fed up at the moment. I should be bouncing off the walls in excitement as I have moved on from Heart Failure to Heart Disease - but at least there is a treatment that can pretty much cure me!

The CT scan I had showed that I have a blocked artery - the probable cause of the heart attack I had at some point, still no idea when it happened - but that is probably for the best!! My problem at the moment is I still have no idea when the Angiogram is being done. I was told at the CT Scan it would be in 6 weeks, but other than being called in on the Monday for some more blood tests I've not heard anything. If I know when it is happening I can at least know when I'm aiming for! Hopefully it will just be a day procedure - Andy is going to be dragged in with me so I don't get lectured about being alone like I was at the scan!!

In the meantime my moods are all over the place. most of this week I've had a migraine and been stressed...stopping myself crying is getting harder and harder to do. My emotions are as volatile as they were when I was pregnant and pretty much uncontrollable. 

Sunday 28 September 2014

The light is getting bigger and brighter!

I think it is safe to say that I have had a good week! My weight loss has slowed down which I feel is a good thing as I seem to be maintaining it without, so far, any blips occurring! 

I have also been discharged by WACU as they are happy that, for now at least, my medication is at the right levels and my kidneys etc are coping fine so no problems and hopefully fewer blood tests!

The next big step is a return to work on Monday. If I'm honest the thought of the drive is the main scare factor for me. I am going to be quite a way from my security blanket at the Hospital. ..but I now know a whole lot more than I did before! The daily weigh in alone should help to quickly identify any potential changes or problems! I guess I'm also nervous as I have no idea how the changes proposed for the various parts  of the finance team may have been implemented or changed. I'm not even sure how the credit control team has been or is proposed to change! Guess that will be something I discover on Monday! Or tomorrow as it is now....cue butterflies etc taking off en masse in my stomach. Now my weight will probably change.....

Wednesday 24 September 2014

Light appears to have been turned on at the end of the tunnel....

I was back at the hospital on Monday afternoon for another ECG. The last one I had while I was on CDU had started the minor panic as as my heart was only working at 20% of what what was  expected. At least that explained why I couldn't even walk 100m the day before....

On Monday I wasn't given any results, I assumed I'd get to know more when I see my consultant tomorrow. But yesterday I had a call from Cornelia, one of the specialist  cardiac nurse team I met while I was on Cambridge K ward.  She said she was calling about the scan...me being me I automatically assumed the worse. Stupid really as I'm feeling great!  As it turned out it was the opposite news. I was being phoned as the results were considerably better than anyone expected! 

My heart is currently working at 45%...Most women only achieve 55%! There is still a problem but not anything like as bad as first thought! This lead to a happy dance and lots of singing! Luckily none of the neighbours were around as I was pretty much bouncing off walls as  I had a mini solo celebration!

Back to hospital tomorrow for a blood test to check my kidneys and to try to get a prescription for my beta blockers as my previous GP managed. to miss them off my prescription....They aren't at all important.....

Wednesday 17 September 2014

Life changes

Well my heart and I are still around! So far I have lost 22.6kg (about 3.5 stones) since 2nd September. Basically it was made up of all the fluid my body didn't expel for whatever reason and I have been dragging around for the past few months. It explains why I have been so tired and run down and the difference now is very noticable as I can get into and out of my car easily now! Plus I'm not breathless the whole time and I can make it to the top of our stairs without collapsing in a heap!

I'm having another ECG on Monday (arranged by my cardiac care team) to try to narrow down what may be causing my heart problems, at least I know my cholesterol level is fine - 2.2 may even be a little too low!! (I've been told my GP has these figures yet he told me it was high last week... Another reason to move, I object to being lied to by someone I'm supposed to be able to trust)

One big plus I've had this week is I seem to have found my voice again! I assume it was underwater somewhere and is no where near as strong as it was and I'm not usre what my range is now - but at least I can start working on it again! I am so looking forward to singing in the car again! Whatever car I get next I want to be able to play my ipod through it! It feels so good to be able to enjoy being surrounded by music again.

Now the hard work starts - I need to continue losing weight, but now it is weight rather than fluid - but I will stay on the water tablets to make sure the build up can't/won't start again, but now I know what I'm on the look out for. I lnow if I have a weight increase over 1-2 days I phone my cardiac nurse and we increase the water tablet dose to stop the build up before it gets a grip again...

I am still off chocolate...not sure if Cadbury's have been warned, but I'd rather have an apple at the moment! After the nurse left this afternoon I was a little peckish, so I had an apple and loved it! I get fruit sugars that are better for me plus no salt etc to have to worry about! I've already been told the reduced salt stock cubes I buy are a good idea and to avoid processed food as much as possible as there will probably be loads of salt - not always that visible! I need to convince myself I like more vegetables now...I can't really rely on salad over winter and potatoes don't count! Bread is pretty much empty calories so no point relying on thay either! Although at the moment I have such a lousy appetite I just need to get myself eating again!

Sunday 14 September 2014

Reports of my demise have been exagerated!

The last few weeks are probably best as being described as challenging!

It all started at work when were were all dragged into a meeting to be told the finance team is being restructured and there will be redundancies. To say this was a shock to everyone was a bit of an understatement and the following day was not the easiest or most comfortable I had ever experienced - but reasons for that were way outside the realms of my work place!

On the Friday as I was leaving the Finance Director had a chat as she was worried about how ill I looked! I promised to use the lift etc and look after myself, thankfully we had a few days to get the forms of what we wanted (redundancy) filled in. I went into my meeting early as I was feeling terrible and I booked an appointment with my GP for lunchtime.  He signed me off for a week (just walking into the surgery left me out of breath) and sent me to the hospital for some blood tests. He also gave me a print out about my heart as he is addicted to people never leaving without handfuls of paper. When I arrived at the hospital I was told I was supposed to make am appointment - but as they weren't busy they just took the blood! I was tired so I headed home - thankfully not to bruised! Mikey and I headed to Nanny and Grandad on the Friday, I had a very embarrassing experience...one of my 'signs' of something being wrong is that I've retained an awful lot of fluid, my GP wasn't bothered, gave me some water tablets that did nothing and I was trying to cope. We went to Hempstead Valley for much - I got into the seat attached to the table, didn't eat much as my appetite is still hit and miss, but trying to get out was nearly impossible. Then halfway up the walkway I just ran out of energy - I couldn't walk any further. I made it back to the car and pretty much collapsed into there and once were were back Mum and Dad sent me home via my Drs. I couldn't get an appointment when I went in, but the Dr called me back and gave me an appointment - I messaged Andy to meet me there.

I had been told on Thursday that the GP who sent me for the blood tests wanted to go through the results with me himself - so I was given an appointment on 11th September (this was at the end of August) The Dr I saw on the Friday said he was sending me straight to hospital! Thankfully I was allowed home to get a bag packed and then arrived at A&E but was sent directly to CDU. I think that worried Andy more than me as I have little recollection of my time there in 2008! I stayed on CDU until late afternoon on Saturday when I was moved to Cambridge K Ward - a cardiac ward as it turned out I was in heart failure. Bit of a shock as it appears I'd been ill for a while and have probably actually had a heart attack at some point...I think my trips up and down the M20 have been lucky for me and everyone on there with me!

The first task for me and my medical team was to get rid of the sheer amount of fluid I was dragging around with me - basically putting extra strain on my heart, The water tablet dosage was fiddled with and I was weighed every morning to make sure I was peeing it all out! I was also limited on my total liquid intake a day! So far, up to today, I have lost 19kg or 2.99 stones in 2 weeks! This has helped me feel better, but I'm still feeling very tired and have a limited amount of energy available at the moment, but it is getting better every day. I'm still an out patient and my kidney function is closely monitored as it the sheer amount of medication I'm currently taking! I'm seeing the Cardiac team on Thursday and my Cardiac Nurse is coming to see me on Wednesday, I feel lucky and very well looked after. My consultant, Dr Ann Fisher, is lovely and my first reaction on meeting her was that I couldn't remember her name, but I liked and trusted her. Andy has since googled her and she is decidedly impressive! An Oxford Medical degree and trained at John Radcliffe, well published and an expert on the type of help I need.

Thursday 28 August 2014

Still feeling rough and decidedly pi55ed off

I am still coughing...the noise I create varies from loud to completely disgusting and likely to make people around me feel sick...

The lymphodema has spread upwards and I am now running out of clothes I can comfortably wear and I look far more pregnant than I ever did whilst expecting Mikey!

Yesterday was yet another trip to the Dr. This time it was the one who yells at you...apparently this is due to him going deaf. Maybe he should consider a hearing aid... but he did double check the report from my last X - ray.  The report highlighted an issue with my heart. I am 100% sure this wasn't mentioned when I was initially given the results but given my current  breathing problems it is now being taken seriously...weeks later.

Understandably I am not happy. They seem to only be reading part of the reports they are getting back. So what else are they missing for other patients?

I was sent off to the hospital for some blood tests, apparently there is a long waiting list at the surgery and he wanted the tests done ASAP. .. ironic considering I could have had them done weeks ago! On arrival at the hospital I discovered you are supposed to make an appointment rather than just turn up. I would have expected him to know this, but I'd imagine he has decided to disregard it! Thankfully they weren't busy and had soon extracted loads of blood...It looked decidedly thick and gloomy (a technical tern) so just waiting for the results now.

I am hoping/expecting them to come back clear.All I want is to get rid of this cough and get §one sleep. Tomorrow will mainly be spent napping as I have Mikey around on Friday so no chance to relax!!!

Wednesday 6 August 2014

Fed up

I will apologise now...I am feeling decidedly sorry for myself. The cough is now a very annoying squeaky noise and I am totally unable to have a simple conversation without at least one major coughing fit taking over.

My main issue, I feel is my lack of control over what is actually a natural reflex designed to shift the gunk out of my lungs. Unfortunately I seem to have used it as means to eat and then expelled the food. The other crazy thing is this stupid lymphodema is making me look fatter and fatter as the fluid is now bloating me around my stomach and waist. My calves are still solid and it is impossible for me to relax the muscles...This is making walking a challenge as my legs constantly feel tired and painful. I have no idea how long the waiting list is that I'm on...but I really need some help.

This has now been going on for 3+ months and has really brought me down.  I am dealing with constant pain and people telling me off for putting weight on. Most days, if I can be bothered to eat, my calorie intake is way below what it should be...and my new excess weight does a great wave motion demonstration.  I wouldn't mind if people actually asked rather than just made assumptions. I'm totally paranoid already without having comments stating the obvious.

I've lost count of the number of nights I've cried myself to sleep recently...and it scares me how much I hate my life at ťhe moment.

Monday 4 August 2014

Turns out I really was ill!!

I am currently still battling with a cough I've had since May. I had an x-ray done on 9/7/14 but the results never reached my GP...so last week I had another and amazingly on this mornings trip to see my Dr as I'm still feeling rather rough (OK, so dead is another good description!) to be told that it appears I've had pneumonia!! Luckily the last 2 lots of antibiotics have cleared the worst rubbish from my lungs, even though it appears the infection was viral as the sputum culture came back clear!

The cough could last for up to 6 months and for that time I'm going to continue to feel extremely tired and run down...what joy! But I should be firing on all cylinders as soon as I can as I refuse to be beaten by a microscopic virus!

Unfortunately the timing really messed up our holiday as I was at my worst that week...so I'm now ready for next year and I am going to have a real break and have quality time with my family without feeling completely washed out. This year really was a wash out, even though we had no rain and unbelievably hot weather!

I've decided I'm going back to work tomorrow...I wish I could control this cough more, but I'll just make sure I have constant access to fluid as that does help! It's like getting married again with the glass of water on the altar rail - and it was water, not vodka! I managed to cure the cough that year by flying to Florida and having a helpful steward keeping me constantly supplied with iced water! Not sure the NHS would pay for a trip to the Magic Kingdom just to stop me coughing! Plus my passport is out of date and it appears there is no way to get a fast replacement at the moment! And I couldn't go alone, I'm happy to drive there but I need a navigator and neither Andy nor Mikey have valid passports either!!

Thankfully I'm not on anymore antibiotics and I've finished the steroids so once I get those out of my system I hope I'll start feeling more human. I have no idea how long that takes - hopefully it'll be quick!

Tuesday 29 July 2014

Crappity Crap Crap Crap

Sorry to Sue for stealing your line, but it pretty much sums stuff up for me at the moment! I developed a cough at the end of May and actually went to see a Dr. I was told it was nothing more than a bronchial spasm that would soon vanish - although he did prescribe antibiotics, odd as he was sure there was no infection! I assumed he knew what he was talking about so started the course as instructed. In the meantime I've also had problems with food, mainly that it won't stay where it should - something that had been going on since before I was given the tablets. As I was still feeling awful (not eating does seem to sap your energy!) I was not given an appointment but the Dr phoned me and had already seemed to have decided that I was allergic to the tablets (He has a problem listening...) He switched me to a different antibiotic that I have had so often I know it doesn't work! But then, what do I know!

We headed off to Broadstairs last week and I can honestly say I can't remember ever feeling so ill, not an auspicious start to our break to recharge batteries etc. Andy took me out for dinner and we had a lovely meal (I discovered my nephew is sooooooo right about Jack Daniels Sauce) But as usual nothing stayed put and I spent most of Sunday avoiding food as eating anything had the same result. As a result I was on the phone at 8 yesterday morning demanding to see a different Dr. It appears one of the 4 based at my surgery has decided to move to part time (easier for patients to avoid him...) and a female Dr has been taken on! She carried out a much better examination and I am now diagnosed with Bronchitis and today have had some x-rays and provided a sputum sample to rule out anything worse. So I'm now on different antibiotics and some steroids to try to bring everything back into control! Maybe these tests should have been done months ago...I feel a complaining letter coming on as the Dr's do not appear to be capable of even the simplest modicum of care!

Thankfully, Misty was well looked after while we were away, but she did seem pleased to see us when we got back. A nice surprise as I was totally expecting to be ignored and given the feline cold shoulder for a while! I think Mikey possibly missed his box of cars more than Misty missed us! It was the first thing he wanted to see once we got home! If anyone ever needs to bribe Mikey, toy cars will work every time!

Sunday 20 July 2014

Sorry for vanishing...

To say life recently has been manic is one he'll of an understatement! Most of the time I'm impressed if I know what day it is!!

I'm still enjoying work and have even written a few training sessions on the company systems, customer service and even a very basic excel course! I'm pleased with them even if nobody else is!

The last few weeks have been a little tougher than usual. I developed a cough at the end of May and I just can't seem to throw it off. It isn't helping that I have pretty much lost my appetite completely and can go for days happily not eating a 'real' meal. I know that isn't good for me but I'm scared of eating as I throw up so often at the moment...

Mikey is still growing up to fast and has had 3 sessions at school so far. I have bought him a few bits of uniform to grow into and he has announced he doesn't like it and so won't wear it! On the other had he approves of the book bag at least! I am still trying to get my head around the fact that the tiny scrap of humanity I produced 4 years ago is now ready to start 14 years of education. Luckily Mikey, at the moment, has no conception of how long his sentence is! My next job is to convince school to call him Mikey as Michael is usually reserved for telling him off!!!

Thursday 24 April 2014

Silent Fuming

Today I have taken a days holiday as I had a neurology appointment at 11.45. One stupid appointment time for anyone who actually works! I decided that I really didn't want to drive to Kings Hill, work for approximately 2.5 hours then drive back to Ashford (I spent just over half an hour in William Harvey) before driving back and working for 3ish hours before heading eastwards again. 120 miles of driving for 30 minutes where I was pretty much told nothing didn't really equate to me!

I will admit I approve of the new car park system at the hospital, disabled parking has been moved and you now pay fpor the time you are there...so rather than the usual £2.50 parking fee when I panic I won't get out before it runs out, I just paid as I left. But the appointment itself was a waste of my and Dr Samuel's time. It didn't start well as I decided to have an asthma attack (Dr Bull who I saw for arthritis was more worried about me than any of the nurses!) so my blood pressure was rather high - but the nurse just said it would go down when I calmed down...

During my chat with Dr Samuels it transpired that Dr Hargroves (or maybe Hargreaves) hasn't released the results of the genetic tests done on my blood - nearly 2 years ago now!  But he has agreed to confirm that I am not a carrier of Fabray's disease - so thankfully I haven't risked passing a nasty disorder on to Mikey. I also found out that Dr Vella, who I saw as I got pregnant (not literally) and was going to keep an eye on my diabetes and look into this odd gene they discovered, has now retired and all his notes and results are now with my mysterious other consultant. I have a feeling I am now a test/research subject. The least they could have done is ask me first! Apparently there are other tests he wants to put me through, unfortunately I have a feeling one involves a large plastic pot and collections over 24 or 48 hours...I am not doing that one while I'm at work!

As today is technically a holiday I stopped off at Waitrose on my way home to find something I wanted to eat. For the last few weeks now I keep going through phases when eating is the last thing I want to do. My Mum actually asked if I was pregnant last night as I'm being sick most mornings! I could happily assure her that the only way I could be was through divine intervention and we should prepare for the second coming... I have a feeling Mikey wouldn't approve of a sibling anyway! He seems to enjoy getting all the attention and I doubt sharing would happen too easily!

I did talk to him about driving though...I am getting very aware that by the end of the week when I'm getting tired stupid things such as moving my left leg to change gear are more difficult and painful...I am seriously considering changing to an automatic so I don't have to do that... I suppose I could look for a job nearer home, but I do like and enjoy my job and, on the whole, most of the people I work with are friendly and easy to get on with. Also they have let me rediscover my love of business training. They are getting bespoke training courses at much less than employing a training company though...so I guess it is a win/win situation! My next project is a customer service course, possibly tougher than the previous 4 I've written as it is going to challenge long cemented mind sets to radically change...

Tuesday 18 March 2014

Strange emotions

This is going to be a rather selfish post. I am currently working through some, for me, stramge emotions. Here comes the selfish bit that I am feeling extremely guilty about.

A very good friend who I have known for far longer than either of us really wamt to admit to is currently battling breast camcer. The first guilt happened when she told me. By the time I got home that day I was falling apart. She has been positive throughout everything and has been amazingly positive and up beat. I can honestly say I am in complete awe of her bravery and attitude

Today was a landmark...but not for a nice reason. Yesterday she popped along to my desk to ask my opinion...her hair had started to come out and should she have it cut off? The only answer I could come up with was it might not be as noticable if it was short...this morning she arrived wearing a headscarf...the decision had been taken away as ot had all fallen out as she washed it.

At lunchtome she usually heads into the staff room woth a book. Today, understandably she stayed at her desk. One of our colleagues seemed to think she was there to deal with her stupid and inane questions amd just kept calling her. I just got more and more angry and ended up having a chat woth our supervisor...I now have permission to stop this if it happens again. I feel that there is mothing I can realistically do to helpnher fight...but I can ensure she gets peace and quiet so she can relax and rest for a short while...

Sunday 23 February 2014

Emotions...

I'm feeling pretty rough right now...but it's only a cold! I have to be in work tomorrow as we have a new starter so I'm on training duty again! I have done this once before...but she only lasted 2 days. Which if I'm honest was the right result!

But back to my main heading...I've just cried at the Winter Olympic closing ceremony as our flag was carried by our gold medal winning Skeleton rider/driver ( or whatever you do on them going headfirst down a bob sleigh run) who just happens to have gone to my old school. It was a similar feeling to the one I had lots in 2012... Plus my cold really isn't helping!!!

The closing ceremony is now turning slightly surreal and I really don't think my head can take this! The upside down street and people suspended from clouda are far too much for this poor old addled brain to cope with!

This week is hopefully hoing to be my last week as a temp. I have been verbally offered a permanent contract starting from the 1st of March. I like where I'm working. Most of the people are great.  I just wish it was closer to Ashford, the 60 mile round trip does tire me out and ofren I have no recollection of how I get to work or home....not good.

Mikey is continuing to grpw up to fast...but recently he and Misty seem to be jockeying for position and if he keeps grabbing her tail there is going to be some blood shed...and it won't be feline. I have explained to him that it is cruel to pull her tail but he doesn't appear to believe me.

Sunday 9 February 2014

I'm back...

It's been a long time since I blogged! But since I did I've started an OU degree. ..so only another 5 years to go I hope. Mum has been very ill (and yes, I am using my CPAP machine Mum!)

On an even more scary note we've applied for Mikey's Primary School place (where did my baby go) and before Christmas my little sister exploded into her 40's and even I managed not to tell her about the surprise party planned...But Mikey didn't manage to get a 'ta - da' in. But I'm sure he'll make up for it!

I'm still working in Kings Hill and enjoying it (very grateful for no Snow) and they seem to like me to! So all in all a win win situation!

Life in Heather Wprld is pretty good right now!