Growing up

Yesterday was another step in the growing up process for my little boy. Next month he is being a page boy so yesterday was a trip to Moss Bros. for thr first fitting of his suit. I know I'm biased but he looked gorgeous and far to grown up. He didn't help much when his collar size was being checked and once I put it on him there was a lot of pulling at it as if it was too tight  buf they must be used to this as the top button is sewn on with elastic so it gives!!!

Once he was back to being a boy (his words) we wandered across to Clarks to look for some black shoes without flashing lights! Unfortunately the only pair I liked had flashing yellow lights and I know someone would bounce down the aisle to make sure they flash! But I have got another couple of weeks to find some!!

He is loving playschool, although I have yet to learn what 'Oggy' is. This is his usual answer if you ask what he has done there. ..he did tell our neighbour that he does painting - but we have yet to see any of it! But when it starts to come home I'll have to find space for a gallery!!

One problem we have had recently is him thumping people, including Nanny, Auntie Nicky and me. We felt it was due to an overdose of Tom and Jerry so watching of their escapades is currently under a temporary ban.  So now we need to  work out how to explain that cartoon characters don't feel or get bothered by pain, but people do....

But this is one of the first problems we've really had so in my mind we've still been very lucky with our little boy.

Monday...

I'm not sure what is going on at the moment...all I know is I'm scared. I have no idea of what or why, but this morning on the motorway I was close to full blown panic. On the way home a van driver was very close as we were going through the variable speed limit and I was close to tears.

Once we were out of the variable limit I stuck in the inside lane - basically I felt to scared to pull out to overtake anyone...looking back at cars in the middle lane they just seemed to be travelling to fast for me to risk trying to move lanes.

I was ok once I'd parked the car and got back into the house...well a little better, I still can't switch off and relax and I feel really tense...as if I'm on the verge of something horribly bad happening.

Not sure if Mikey has picked up on how I'm feeling but for the last few days he has been a total nightmare plus he's slapped me, Nanny and Auntie Nicky accross the face. I think he's seen too much Tom and Jerry and has yet to realise that humans don't bounce back in the way they do! So at the age of 3 the cat and mouse are now on the banned list. Much as I moan about Disney Junior at least none of their shows have any violence in the way T & J do....

Right now I really don't know how to deal with him...maybe he hasn't got the sort of stability he wants, but we can't afford for me not to work. But if me working is going to damage Mikey I'll have to rethink things...

PLEASE COULD SOMEONE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO? I'm fed up with crying myself to sleep and feeling so useless as a Mother.

Emotions...

That's it, summer is now officially over as I'm sat watching the Last Night of the Proms. Mostly with tears streaming down my face. The main problem I've had this evening was the choices of a couple of pieces that I used to be able to sing.

This may sound crazy to anyone else but singing was the only thing I could do and other people could also enjoy. Plus the feeling once you mastered something was amazing. The first time we got it right was an amazing sensation and to then repeat it as we mastered on of Verdi's most famous pieces is something I never want to forget whilst also being a feeling that has been torn away from me

I did try to sing again with a choir but I think I did more damage than good to what was left of my voice thanks to the butcher of Canterbury. At this choir there was nobody to teach you how to support and look after your voice. Fitting routines to songs appeared more important than the actual noises we produced.

Unfortunately Danny Boy was included this evening...I apologise to anyone who loves the song, but I hate it with a passion. For some reason it depresses me and I can't explain why.

Mikey has started playschool this week. He and I went to a taster session on Wednesday. He loved it, I just felt very un- needed. He wandered on quite happily and already seemed to know loads of people! That child has a far better social life than I ever have. The photo I'm hopefully going to attach is Mikey in his official t- shirt. But we are now in a countdown mode to next September when my baby is going to start school. Far too soon...

Post holiday....

The cat is Rory who I nearly brought home from our week in Broadstairs last week...he actually belongs next door, but they were on holiday so we were providing meals 3 times a day. At least that was the theory but the occasional breakdown in communication meant that most days 3 was the minimum number of meals he got! But he never complained and kept eating whatever ended up in his bowl...or on Saturday whichever bits of chicken fell off the work surface...

I actually really enjoyed having him around and I think Mikey did as well...which is a good thing as he who grunts in the corner has agreed that the Zerfahs family can get a pet cat! Mikey has already decided that it will also be called Rory, Mummy on the orher hand has decided we are having a girl so she feels less outnumbered! I would also prefer a long haired one who is a lap cat - I no longer have a baby to cuddle (unless I borrow Grace from next door) so I intend to become a cat lady!!!

Work still seems to be going ok. I've lasted longer than I did at South East Water and I like the team I'm working in and I am now getting the chance to really get stuck in and pretty mucj show what I can really do!! So all in all I'm feeling happy and far better than I have for years!

Next week we are hitting the next mile stone for Mikey. Playschool for him starts next Thursday.  We are going for a taster session on Wednesday so I will probably be a total wreck all afternoon as my baby is growing up far too fast...and there is nothing I can do to slow this down.

Been a tad busy...

Sorry for the silence...but I'd forgotten how tiring actually working is!!

My new job is going ok, the people are great and the system was a snap to pick up...I'm pretty sure it is the base for the system I used at Norfolkline and URS so I'm happily finding short cuts and helping out with Excel queries...Yup, it is entirely possible I'm turning into a Geek!!!

I had been thinking the work wasn't challenging. Today has changed all that! Hopefully tomorrow will let me track down members of East Kents social services so I can try to collect an overdue account of nearly £150k. It has certainly given me something to get my teeth into!!

Mikey seems to be happy to be back with Debbie...but I am being made to pay for leaving him. I'm not allowed to get him dressed in the morning, only Daddy will do. And in the  evening he much prefers Daddy's company and usually cries if we get home before him. He could run a master class on 'How to make your mother feel totally guilty'

Other than my major guilt trip life is trundling along. I think our next big thing is getting Mikey's Playschool place sorted for September. What really scares me is next September he'll start school. Although me being out of work was tough on all of us, I am glad I got to spend that time with him as I did miss some milestones before by being at work and he'll never be this small again...for some reason he seems to think he has to keep growing!!!

7/7

Today was 'B" day...I've been trying to forget this was happening but events on Independence Day changed my thinking a little! Basically, I got a job! What was even more amazing is that I was offered the job 45 minutes after the interview!  To say my gob was well and truly smacked is an understatement! What was a little harder  to get my head round is that I start tomorrow and it's 8.30 - 5.00. Mikey will probably not appreciate the early start (nor will his mother!)

This meant that Saturday evening was now a double celebration so I started to look a little kinder towards 7/7!!

To be continued...I need some sleep!!

Wooo Hooo

Not sure what happened...but I finally got offered a job doing the one thing I can actually do...

I'll add more detail later today...but it's too hot to sleep (plus I'm a tad excited)