alone

I am so over feeling so isolated and alone. I really feel unwanted here along with totally useless. Mikey doesn't need me any more and all Andy does when we are alone is go to sleep or get totally stressed about things beyond his control. Me - all I know is my whole life is beyond my control and I hate it. 

The cats are even avoiding me today, Mikey is playing hockey after school so won't finish until 4. I have retreated to bed to have a cry without disturbing Andy's nap. Why on earth am I still fighting to keep going? I don't want to carry on right now, especially as all I have to look forward to is dialysis which is not well known for making you feel better.

I can't even do any of the hobbies I love at the moment as I just end up getting in somebodies way when I try... I'm not needed or wanted here. Mikey told me off last night for disturbing him too 😭

I'm also not driving much at the moment. We only have 1 car so Andy needs it for picking Mikey up so I can't just get in and drive...