Last night was horrific yet again. Sleep was decidedly conspicuous by its absence. I think I finally fell asleep at about 5.30 am....my alarm then went off at 8.15, I moved to the bathroom. Andy then phoned me to make sure I was up in time for my ACC appointment at 9.20. I ended up pretending to be a helicopter as I was parked up next to the helipad due to the continuing building of the Nightingale Unit - which probably never be used as the infection rates appear to be falling and hospitalisations are dropping alongside that. Heaven only knows how long it will take to remove this from the carpark...and in the meantime it is not looking as though my visits will reduce any time soon. My INR was 1.7 today, my target rate is 2.5 - 3.0 so I'm not really making that much progress at the moment so my doseage has been increased again. Hopefully I will not follow my usual pattern and shot right up again. If I do I have a horrible feeling that I'll be stuck back on the anticoagulant injections...the bruises have finally faded, but the horrible lumps and bumps are still hanging around and I can honestly say that I am the strangest shape now.
At the moment my fatigue levels are getting crazy, the lack of sleep combined with that is really not helping me achieve an acceptable of happy way of life. Right now I would be happy if it all ended as I just feel like a waste of time and space. If I could come up with a way to get around it I would...I would love to get a semblence of normality back where I can stop treading on egg shells with myself to ensure I don't upset me.
My one aim at the moment is to try to convince Andy to let Mikey and me get a dog; this isn't just for me - I know how much having Pip helped me when I was at school....she gave me another being to talk to and confide in. That gorgeous girl knew so many secrets, I didn't have any close friends to confide in apart from her and she got me through the move from school to work and through the adjustment and dealing with the reaction from my parents that nothing I was doing was actually worth doing and that I had wasted my Uni place for nothing. Misty, my so called loving medi cat, decided last night that my foot had too much blood in it so decided to free some with her claws. That is usually Rorys trick, but she then used me as a climbing frame to try to apologise...needless to say it didn't work.
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