Downward Spiral

I will apologise now for this entry...but  I am getting more and more depressed. All around me I can see other people's lives moving on whilst mine just feels stagnant and totally isolated. On the plus side I am still enjoying work - but part of me is scared that if I throw myself into this the way I did at the start in Norfolkline. And as that ended up with 5+ weeks in hospital plus a major bout of depression plus a feeling of really being hated and bullied I do tend to try to pull back a little - but also as I do enjoy the job I am inching further into probably doing too much. But today all I have done is check my e-mail to make sure a report I need from the USA has been sent, which thankfully has arrived so I will work through that on Monday rather than Sunday.

The last week has been rather worrying as Mikey has not seemed to get over whatever bug or virus he picked up. Thankfully he hasn't been sick since last Sunday - but to make sure he isn't sick he seems to have decided the best thing to do is to stop eating. Not good for your Mum when she is worried already worried and when you add in the target practice using toy cars, lorries and tractors as missiles against her as well. Yesterday he also lobbed a bus, cash register and spinning ball thing at me whilst have a fairly constant tantrum! I am really looking forward to '2' being over and seeing what '3' may bring...Only 10 months to go!!!

He is currently up stairs having a nap. I'm not sure if we are building up to another growth spurt, but he seems to need to have at least an hour nap every afternoon or if possible 2, 3 or on occasion 4!! It does mean that bedtime can be a struggle at times, even when you can see how tired he is and however much he rubs his eyes. All good fun I guess... and explaining why I am exhausted most of the time. Plus the drive to and from work can be fun... If I stay at CSL (as I'm really hoping I will) I would love to move back to West Kent...after all Andy works over there so between us we are driving 100 miles a day jut to get to and from work - which strikes me as crazy. Plus at least living that side of the county would mean I will feel less lonely and isolated which I do right now. But any mention of moving is ignored by Andy - plus to sell this house it will need a new kitchen at the very least and the thought of packing everything up does not exactly appeal to me as a fun thing to do. So I guess I'm stuck here. Maybe I need a new hobby where I can have some me time? I just have no idea what I want to do. I used to enjoy singing but the choir I joined down here after being ill didn't help me get the voice I had prior to 2008 back an to be honest I think I damaged it more. Other than that I have no idea...I just know I need to find something. I wish I was artistic - but Mikey can draw etc better than me at the age of 2.  So an suggestions would be really gratefully received.