Fed Up

I know people keep telling me that I should be grateful for everything good in my life...but my brain chemistry refuses to let me do this. Instead I'm just getting more and more tearful and it is getting harder and harder to keep my emotions under control. I'm very aware that I have to keep calm whenever I'm in contact with him...seeing me cry upsets him and I think that he worries it is his fault. It is far from that, it is just Mummy's brain making life for her difficult again.

What really annoys me is I can feel when I'm getting down, and I have lots of techniques I was given for keeping me going - but they are for when I've got to my dark place. What I need is to learn how to keep the lights on for longer so it doesn't get so dark...I also don't need people telling me to pull myself together, if it was that simple don't you think I would?

I know I really should go and see a Dr, but I don't trust mine and there aren't any there who I feel I can talk to...I know I keep saying this but I really need to change them. Having already been down a diagnosed with depression route, I really don't want to be labelled again. There has been loads of information and campaigns to try and change people's opinion of depression, but there is still a long way to go before people accept it is an illness and not just sufferers trying to be difficult.

Mikey is wonderful at cheering me up, but I don't like relying on him to keep me going. Poor little thing isn't even 3 yet so shouldn't have to keep Mummy going...

This last week has been quite busy for Mikey and I, next week is looking decidedly empty of anything to do. Hopefully the sun which has just arrived here will hang around for a few days so Mikey and I can get outside and enjoy it. His blond has got a little darker recently so he could do with a sun top up! And sun really does help when you are feeling down...so hopefully it will help me to - sun is better than relying on yet more tablets to get me through the day.

This is going to be a short post...I need to get out and get some Vitamin D Therapy...