Need a bigger bed...

Poor Andy, he had last week in a room with a bed he couldn't get to sleep in - and he's come home to find I have claimed the whole bed as mine!!! I am still shattered the whole time, I think I should have a chat with my midwife and get my iron levels checked...It possibly isn't being helped by me feeling really down at the moment. I know I should be happy as this is what I've wanted for so many years but over the last couple of weeks I've found it harder and harder to be happy and smiley and extremely difficult ( for that read impossible) to keep my emotions under control. As I demonstrated at the station on Friday when I saw Andy walking up from the platform.

Gizmog has more or less forgiven Andy for going away now I think...but he has not got any quieter... Andy was having a snooze this afternoon but kept being woken up by me yelling at the cat and Gizmog yelling at me - I think I got fed up with the arguement before the cat did for once!

I'm still battlng with my sugar levels at the moment - I was testing this morning after breakfast and started off over 9 with blood from one finger and by the time I moved onto the 3rd finger (well, thumb!) I was down to 6.3 - I honestly have no idea what caused such a difference but I was decidedly fed up and about the throw the monitor down the garden. I'm officially 18 weeks today so just under halfway there...I am extremely fed up with watching everything I eat so closely, If I actually start feeling hungry it's such a pain finding something I want and can eat that most of the time I give up and don't bother...which is probably not helping my energy levels in the slightest.

Day 5

He's home!!!! I was trying so hard to be fine when I picked him up from the station but I saw him walking up to the barrier and that was it, I started crying and just wanted to hug him. It really didn't help that he then got into a small queue to get through the exit barrier and it took far to long for me to get hold of him. I've ben trying to blame my hormones for my over emotional state but if I'm honest since I was ill in 2008 I've just become a much more emotional person whatever my hormones may or may not be doing!

At the moment Andy is dropping his Mums pills off then I have to feed him - I think it will be one of my concoctions before he settles down to watch the final ever Celebrity Big Brother. I have no problem with this so long as I get to see EastEnders - I appear to have stopped craving anything food based, just 1 soap and Casualty for an unknown reason! Neither can really be describesd as cheerful in anyway but I am hooked! Can I blame hormones for this as well!?!?!?

I've made my dessert for tomorrow and was amazed that double cream has a green rating for sugar! Natural Yogurt is amber...and the raspberries are also green so sugar/diabetes wise it all looks good until I think about the sugar I covered the top in! But if I'm feeling good I could not eat that bit or give it to Andy!! We'll forget about his diet until Monday maybe!!!

Gizmog is still sulking somewhere and I haven't seen him since we got home...not sure if he's trying to make Andy suffer or if he's hiding cos it snowed again. I wasn't impressed that I had to drive through what was basically a blizzard... I need spring and soon

Day 4

It's my last night without him tonight...I can't wait to get him home with me where he belongs and I need him to be. I've never missed him this much before apart for towards the end of my stay in hospital in 2008...and I know of he goes away again I'll need to record his snoring and the little noises he makes when asleep! Maybe this week has simply proved that I have found my soulmate and I'm right where I should be...

Gizmog has missed him to, but I know for a fact there will be some serious ignoring happening tomorrow when Andy gets home...the feline cold shoulder is someting Gizmog is impressively good at! All I get at the moment is constant food requirements and a decidedly noisey yelling...that cat has some volume when he puts his mind to it!

My intention tonight is to try to relax and have an early night and a seriously good sleep. After all this is my last night to have the bed to myself! And I quit like having both sides to myself...I can happily roll around to my hearts content and find cool bits of bed when I get warm! But I can't wait to get a nice back rub...another good reason to get Andy home asap!

Day 3

I really did mean to do this last night...but time sort of got away from me! But at least I seemed to get to sleep ok and pretty much stayed asleep until 4am... And I was up without my alarm clock and in work early - pretty good considereing Sea France are disrupted due to some sort of industrial action and lorries are stacked up all through the port (made getting in fun!)

Still really missing him - but at least he's home Friday afternoon. I can't wait, I need lots of hugs and a decent back rub! I'm not even that pregnant yet (distinct lack of bump) but I'm already getting horrible back ache. I've also sort of decided this week I think it's a boy, no real reason just one of those feelings...But my Mum has said she thought both me and my sister were boys before we arrived to prove her wrong so who knows! But all the children in my generation of my family were girls and so far my sister had had a boy and my cousin 2 girls...so I guess that guessing is a bit silly! Hopefully we weill find out on 23rd February when we have the 20 week scan (although I will be 21 or possibly 22 weeks by then!)

Oh - and I have a new car to hate now! Toyota Yaris Verso things - the sort of box shaped versions, I was following one home last night and it was all over the place and the indicators appear to have stopped working so at every junction/turning it was 'guess what they are going to d o next time'. My no swearing ban went out of the window - although I did try to stick to german and hopefully Tadopole wasn't listening too hard!

The other big news...I was in bed hugging the little bump as usual and I think I felt Tadpole move :) I was so excited I had to phone Andy up and tell him (and have a little cry) If it was the baby it was the best thing to happen all week...but Andy should have been there as I didn't manage to feel it again - I'll just have to try again on Friday but at least I should be more relaxed then. I just hope Tadpole isn't too relaxed and asleep at the time!!

Day 2

I'm sorry for going on - but I'm still missing Andy like mad. We are obviously meant to be together as neither of us is sleeping well without the other one being there. Gizmog is missinghim as well I think... but we're still having a regular early evening silly session when he charges up and down the stairs at high speed making unearthly noises and trying to outrun ghosts or something! Right now he is sat glaring at me as I've only fed him once since I got home - it seems 3 packets of food by 5.00 isn't enough to keep a grown cat functioning!

The weather has just been on, apparently it's going to get down to -6 tonight. I feel a hibernation session coming on! If I didn't have to get out of bed tomorrow morning I really wouldn't. And to make tomorrow morning even better I've got to stop off for more blood tests on my way to work tomorrow morning...Another bruised hand, just what I need! If only they had simply fitted a tap as I suggested in the first place it would be so much easier...or get on and invent tricorders so no fluids need to be extracted in the first place.

Sorry for a really boring blog tonight but I am totally shattered...my big aim is to make it to 9.00 tonight, I did manage 9.30 last night but I think that was a one off! THis week I only have 2 more days to get through as I'm off on Friday so I can pick Andy up from the station when he gets back... the countdown has begun!!!

Day 1...

So far Andy has only been away for 24 hours...but I really am missing him like mad and the house is horribly empty and I'm not hearing the noises I need to feel relaxed and secure. I never thought I'd admit this but  I am even missing Andy's snoring and all the strange noises he makes when he's asleep. Maybe I shouldn't confess to this as I moan about the noise when he's here but even having the radio on all night I still couldn't get the right level of noise to fall asleep!

It wasn't helped by Gizmog seeing ghosts and freaking out big time  - for a small cat he can make one hell of a racket when he's doing his mad dash up and down stairs and charging around the bed and along the landing. Hopefully his mad session when I got home means he'll spend the rest of this evening in a relatively calm state! Well calm for Gizmog anyway!

Hopefully Andy may be home mid afternoon on Friday...I was already thnking about having the day off - this has pretty much decided it for me now :) I just want to be here when he gets home Sorry - blame the hormones but usually it's me going away and I'm so busy I don't have time to miss him, this time it's the wrong way round and I simpy don't know how to process the feelings and emotions I'm experiencing.

23rd January

Still totally shattered...which was really not helped last night by getting cramp at 2.00am and then realising that Baby Z was boucing happily on my bladder so I had to get up anyway. All the forums seem to be full of pregnant women who had urgent rushes to get to the loo in the 1st Trimester rather than now - but I guess that just shows our baby is going to be anything but normal and won't do the expeted!! But then again the fact it's even in existance shows that too!!

I'm still craving bacon rolls at the moment - and my darling husband has just come home with bread rolls and bacon! So right now there is a wonderful smell of cooking bacon floating through from the kitchen. How am I going to survive a week without him???

But seeing as we have just had a major disaster rearding his car as it appears the garage yesterday have completely mucked it up I may just have a week of peace and hopefully no disasters or panics! But then I still have Gizmog around and it seems to be his lifes work to make my life hell so I guess anything could and will happen whilst Andy is living it up in Reading!!!

When do I get my boost of energy???

All the 'wonderful' pregnancy books and websites tell you that once you get past 12 weeks you get this amazing energy boost and stop feeling so tired. Seeing as I'm nearly 17 weeks now and still waiting ...where is it? To be honest I could really do with it as I've only been at work 3 days this week and I am feeling completely washed out and exhausted.

Andy keeps suggesting I have a power nap when I get home - one small problem with that, if I drop off that is it for several hours and I'll never get the amount of sleep I need at night then :(

The big news is I think I felt the baby in the early hours of Thursday morning...I was awake at 3am and certainly felt something. I had debated waking Andy up to tell him but he was snoring well and I don't think he would have appreciated me waking him up to tell him that! After all he wouldn't be able to feel it to so it wouldn't have been exactly interesting or earth shattering for him!

Panic over for the time being!

I've finally calmed down after the adventures of Tuesday and Wednesday... All bleeding has ceased and right now everything is happily sitting exactly where it is supposed to be right now :) I am officially a happy Mummy!

This morning was my 'emergency' scan and I had a wonderful sonographer (I think that's what they are called) She showed me quickly where the baby was and it's heart beating nice and strongly and then talked me thought the 'rest' of it as she tried to get some measurements. Baby Zerfahs lived up to it's bolshy label and totally refused to help out or get into a position where we could tell what it is! The only thing I'm sure about is it has long legs already - inherited form it's Mum!So I am still none the wiser and much to Andy's disgust, still calling it Tadpole!

After the scan I had to go down to Early Pregnancy for  clinic - I saw bits of the WIlliam Harvey I've never been to before, but a very nicw volunteer told me where I had to go and thankfully didn't give me a map - if he had I imagine I would still be wandering around! The official decision is that the baby is totally fine and Tuesday has been written off as just one of those things with no real reason or cause...hopefully it will be a one off and won't happen again - or at least not too often!

I m still blaming my hormones for just about everything...I burst into tears driving home and it was totally down to hormones...and the fact I've realised that I already totally adore my baby and will do anything to protect him or her.

Panic Stations!

I've not had a great 24hours... I started to panic yesterday morning when I started to bleed... Me being me I simply went into panic stations and tried to phone my Midwife who wasn't on duty. Nowhere in any of the books I've got does it say not to worry in this situation, so I went over the top I guess. I ended up talking to the hospital maternity unit in the end, probably to every member of staff before being told to go in on Friday for an emergency scan (This was on Tuesday!) I ended up going home at lunchtime to panic in the comfort of my own home and still trying to ge hold of a midwife!

It turned out my Drs were closed for Training (along with most of the surgeries in Ashford) so I ended up talking to South East Health who are terrible at calling back when they are supposed to - after I called them back again I got a call from a Dr, and to be honest I could hardly understand him, but he sent me in to SEE Doc at the hospital. After a fairly uncomfortable wait I saw a Dr who took my blood pressure and told me to go home unless the bleeding increased and relax and call my  midwife in the morning.

Thankfully Nicky called me this morning and was here by 12.00...the first thing she did was check for the baby's heartbeat, which I have now heard for the first time ever. I admit I cried, it sounded so amazing...and very strong! The poor little thing is only about 11.5 cm from head to bum at the moment but it seems happy in there! My blood pressure was up a tiny bit (As Nicky said, to be expected as I'd been in panic mode) and my urine test was fine so until I have a scan done everything is as fine as we can test for now! I feel so much better - but I want one of those doppler things so I can hear the baby whenever I want!

I've also started getting cravings - nothing weird yet, just bacon rolls! No idea why, but I had one for breakfast this morning (Andy bought me a couple of the microwavable type) and it was honestly the best thing I've ever tasted!!!

The weather outside is frightful...

So what I need is a fire that is so delightful as I think this weekend I'm going to have to let it snow, let it snow and let it snow! I know compared to Milwaukee we get next to nothing but I am intending to hibernate for the next 2 days. I've thrown the cat out for at least 4 minutes this evening and I can't remember the last time I saw him move as fast as he did coming back in!

I did notice this evening on the forecast the weather was referred to as an 'event' - I can't recall that phrase being used before and I think this event should really come to it's conclusion as soon as possible please! But I would like to point out I have made it in to work all this week... which is more than my dearly beloved has managed! But in his defence Medway has been walloped with far more snow that we have and the Medway drivers are well known for abandoning cars whenever and wherever they feel like doing it! Especially on Bluebell Hill which brings that to a grinding halt! But, bless him, he has been getting up to help me clear my car off every morning which has made my life much simpler and easier.

There is no plan to do much at all this weekend - although we really should start clearing the bedroom out ready to redecorate prior to hopefully welcoming a small, screaming person. I'm not sure what the project plan says as I haven't seen it yet!

It snowed!

The usual English reaction to Snow has happened... it is now officially a disaster and the UK Population cannot cope with all the white stuff that keeps floating down from above! Mind you, it is really the ice that caused me more problems this morning!

Andy got a call/message from work last night and is working from Home...the company I work for are not like that so I drove in having persuaded my loving husband to drag himself out of bed to help de-snow my car for me! The drive in was uneventful in Ashford except for a small skid/slide around a roundabout close to home...But as I got further east the landscpe got whiter and once in the Port the roads were atrocious and the snow really deep (Well, deep for the UK anyway!)

I made it in on time and now it's over an hour later and only 3 other people have arrived! We have contacted our Manager re if we should stay or not and not had a decision other than he's on his way...with the news re the roads the chances of him making it in are slim so we'll simply wait for now! I want to drive home whilst it's still light if I'm honest, but time will tell!

New Year... New Start?

Well it's now 2010 and there is still a debate regarding how one ahould say the year...is it 20 -10 or 2 thousand and 10? (According to my sister it is the latter as she hates the former for some reason!)

As previously promised (If anyone even reads my drivel!) above is one of the scan photos from Christmas Eve... I have had another scan sionce and apparently will be having a scan a month as the baby and I (hopefully) progress through this pregnancy. My main aim right now is to stop feeling sick so often...I can only believe that morning sickness was named by a man - who was so wrong it's untrue! I'm also really hoping the hormones calm down as I don't want to keep biting Andy's head off, it really isn't fair on him.

Ok, enough baby talk - I'll try to stop now although it isn't easy when the baby is about all I can think about at the moment... Am I turning into a baby bore???

Oh yes - winter returned to the UK today... more snow and I really don't like driving in snow, it's all those white bullets heading straight towards me, I get decidedly freaked out! Thankfully Andy didn't do too much passenger seat driving today! But he has decreed that heated seats in cars are now officially the work of the devil and should not be allowed. Me, I like feeling warm and toasty and if it's cold I'm turning the heat on so I feel nice and warm and cosy!