Fed up

I will apologise now...I am feeling decidedly sorry for myself. The cough is now a very annoying squeaky noise and I am totally unable to have a simple conversation without at least one major coughing fit taking over.

My main issue, I feel is my lack of control over what is actually a natural reflex designed to shift the gunk out of my lungs. Unfortunately I seem to have used it as means to eat and then expelled the food. The other crazy thing is this stupid lymphodema is making me look fatter and fatter as the fluid is now bloating me around my stomach and waist. My calves are still solid and it is impossible for me to relax the muscles...This is making walking a challenge as my legs constantly feel tired and painful. I have no idea how long the waiting list is that I'm on...but I really need some help.

This has now been going on for 3+ months and has really brought me down.  I am dealing with constant pain and people telling me off for putting weight on. Most days, if I can be bothered to eat, my calorie intake is way below what it should be...and my new excess weight does a great wave motion demonstration.  I wouldn't mind if people actually asked rather than just made assumptions. I'm totally paranoid already without having comments stating the obvious.

I've lost count of the number of nights I've cried myself to sleep recently...and it scares me how much I hate my life at ťhe moment.

Turns out I really was ill!!

I am currently still battling with a cough I've had since May. I had an x-ray done on 9/7/14 but the results never reached my GP...so last week I had another and amazingly on this mornings trip to see my Dr as I'm still feeling rather rough (OK, so dead is another good description!) to be told that it appears I've had pneumonia!! Luckily the last 2 lots of antibiotics have cleared the worst rubbish from my lungs, even though it appears the infection was viral as the sputum culture came back clear!

The cough could last for up to 6 months and for that time I'm going to continue to feel extremely tired and run down...what joy! But I should be firing on all cylinders as soon as I can as I refuse to be beaten by a microscopic virus!

Unfortunately the timing really messed up our holiday as I was at my worst that week...so I'm now ready for next year and I am going to have a real break and have quality time with my family without feeling completely washed out. This year really was a wash out, even though we had no rain and unbelievably hot weather!

I've decided I'm going back to work tomorrow...I wish I could control this cough more, but I'll just make sure I have constant access to fluid as that does help! It's like getting married again with the glass of water on the altar rail - and it was water, not vodka! I managed to cure the cough that year by flying to Florida and having a helpful steward keeping me constantly supplied with iced water! Not sure the NHS would pay for a trip to the Magic Kingdom just to stop me coughing! Plus my passport is out of date and it appears there is no way to get a fast replacement at the moment! And I couldn't go alone, I'm happy to drive there but I need a navigator and neither Andy nor Mikey have valid passports either!!

Thankfully I'm not on anymore antibiotics and I've finished the steroids so once I get those out of my system I hope I'll start feeling more human. I have no idea how long that takes - hopefully it'll be quick!

Crappity Crap Crap Crap

Sorry to Sue for stealing your line, but it pretty much sums stuff up for me at the moment! I developed a cough at the end of May and actually went to see a Dr. I was told it was nothing more than a bronchial spasm that would soon vanish - although he did prescribe antibiotics, odd as he was sure there was no infection! I assumed he knew what he was talking about so started the course as instructed. In the meantime I've also had problems with food, mainly that it won't stay where it should - something that had been going on since before I was given the tablets. As I was still feeling awful (not eating does seem to sap your energy!) I was not given an appointment but the Dr phoned me and had already seemed to have decided that I was allergic to the tablets (He has a problem listening...) He switched me to a different antibiotic that I have had so often I know it doesn't work! But then, what do I know!

We headed off to Broadstairs last week and I can honestly say I can't remember ever feeling so ill, not an auspicious start to our break to recharge batteries etc. Andy took me out for dinner and we had a lovely meal (I discovered my nephew is sooooooo right about Jack Daniels Sauce) But as usual nothing stayed put and I spent most of Sunday avoiding food as eating anything had the same result. As a result I was on the phone at 8 yesterday morning demanding to see a different Dr. It appears one of the 4 based at my surgery has decided to move to part time (easier for patients to avoid him...) and a female Dr has been taken on! She carried out a much better examination and I am now diagnosed with Bronchitis and today have had some x-rays and provided a sputum sample to rule out anything worse. So I'm now on different antibiotics and some steroids to try to bring everything back into control! Maybe these tests should have been done months ago...I feel a complaining letter coming on as the Dr's do not appear to be capable of even the simplest modicum of care!

Thankfully, Misty was well looked after while we were away, but she did seem pleased to see us when we got back. A nice surprise as I was totally expecting to be ignored and given the feline cold shoulder for a while! I think Mikey possibly missed his box of cars more than Misty missed us! It was the first thing he wanted to see once we got home! If anyone ever needs to bribe Mikey, toy cars will work every time!

Sorry for vanishing...

To say life recently has been manic is one he'll of an understatement! Most of the time I'm impressed if I know what day it is!!

I'm still enjoying work and have even written a few training sessions on the company systems, customer service and even a very basic excel course! I'm pleased with them even if nobody else is!

The last few weeks have been a little tougher than usual. I developed a cough at the end of May and I just can't seem to throw it off. It isn't helping that I have pretty much lost my appetite completely and can go for days happily not eating a 'real' meal. I know that isn't good for me but I'm scared of eating as I throw up so often at the moment...

Mikey is still growing up to fast and has had 3 sessions at school so far. I have bought him a few bits of uniform to grow into and he has announced he doesn't like it and so won't wear it! On the other had he approves of the book bag at least! I am still trying to get my head around the fact that the tiny scrap of humanity I produced 4 years ago is now ready to start 14 years of education. Luckily Mikey, at the moment, has no conception of how long his sentence is! My next job is to convince school to call him Mikey as Michael is usually reserved for telling him off!!!

Silent Fuming

Today I have taken a days holiday as I had a neurology appointment at 11.45. One stupid appointment time for anyone who actually works! I decided that I really didn't want to drive to Kings Hill, work for approximately 2.5 hours then drive back to Ashford (I spent just over half an hour in William Harvey) before driving back and working for 3ish hours before heading eastwards again. 120 miles of driving for 30 minutes where I was pretty much told nothing didn't really equate to me!

I will admit I approve of the new car park system at the hospital, disabled parking has been moved and you now pay fpor the time you are there...so rather than the usual £2.50 parking fee when I panic I won't get out before it runs out, I just paid as I left. But the appointment itself was a waste of my and Dr Samuel's time. It didn't start well as I decided to have an asthma attack (Dr Bull who I saw for arthritis was more worried about me than any of the nurses!) so my blood pressure was rather high - but the nurse just said it would go down when I calmed down...

During my chat with Dr Samuels it transpired that Dr Hargroves (or maybe Hargreaves) hasn't released the results of the genetic tests done on my blood - nearly 2 years ago now!  But he has agreed to confirm that I am not a carrier of Fabray's disease - so thankfully I haven't risked passing a nasty disorder on to Mikey. I also found out that Dr Vella, who I saw as I got pregnant (not literally) and was going to keep an eye on my diabetes and look into this odd gene they discovered, has now retired and all his notes and results are now with my mysterious other consultant. I have a feeling I am now a test/research subject. The least they could have done is ask me first! Apparently there are other tests he wants to put me through, unfortunately I have a feeling one involves a large plastic pot and collections over 24 or 48 hours...I am not doing that one while I'm at work!

As today is technically a holiday I stopped off at Waitrose on my way home to find something I wanted to eat. For the last few weeks now I keep going through phases when eating is the last thing I want to do. My Mum actually asked if I was pregnant last night as I'm being sick most mornings! I could happily assure her that the only way I could be was through divine intervention and we should prepare for the second coming... I have a feeling Mikey wouldn't approve of a sibling anyway! He seems to enjoy getting all the attention and I doubt sharing would happen too easily!

I did talk to him about driving though...I am getting very aware that by the end of the week when I'm getting tired stupid things such as moving my left leg to change gear are more difficult and painful...I am seriously considering changing to an automatic so I don't have to do that... I suppose I could look for a job nearer home, but I do like and enjoy my job and, on the whole, most of the people I work with are friendly and easy to get on with. Also they have let me rediscover my love of business training. They are getting bespoke training courses at much less than employing a training company though...so I guess it is a win/win situation! My next project is a customer service course, possibly tougher than the previous 4 I've written as it is going to challenge long cemented mind sets to radically change...

Reflections...

Strange emotions

This is going to be a rather selfish post. I am currently working through some, for me, stramge emotions. Here comes the selfish bit that I am feeling extremely guilty about.

A very good friend who I have known for far longer than either of us really wamt to admit to is currently battling breast camcer. The first guilt happened when she told me. By the time I got home that day I was falling apart. She has been positive throughout everything and has been amazingly positive and up beat. I can honestly say I am in complete awe of her bravery and attitude

Today was a landmark...but not for a nice reason. Yesterday she popped along to my desk to ask my opinion...her hair had started to come out and should she have it cut off? The only answer I could come up with was it might not be as noticable if it was short...this morning she arrived wearing a headscarf...the decision had been taken away as ot had all fallen out as she washed it.

At lunchtome she usually heads into the staff room woth a book. Today, understandably she stayed at her desk. One of our colleagues seemed to think she was there to deal with her stupid and inane questions amd just kept calling her. I just got more and more angry and ended up having a chat woth our supervisor...I now have permission to stop this if it happens again. I feel that there is mothing I can realistically do to helpnher fight...but I can ensure she gets peace and quiet so she can relax and rest for a short while...