enough

I have had enough. I have never felt this bad and unwantable before...as far as being a woman goes I am irretrievably broken. No man would want me, I simply do not work.

I can't even eat my own cooking, unless it is completely bland and boring. I can't even get Mikey to dress warmly now it is getting colder and he is now building up to his first dose of man flu...so along with being broken I'm a lousy Mum as well

I am such a waste of time and space any vet would happily put me out of my misery. I don't feel as though I actually belong anywhere and I simply can't imagine any one wanting to be with me.

I feel that I have nothing to offer anyone now.i really want to go to sleep and never wake up. That would be the best solution for everyone.

Next Stages

I'm moving on to my next stage of being! On Monday I'm going to Canterbury so they can make my fistula, ready for dialysis. Apparently my function needs to drop by another 6% before I start.

To be honest, I am not looking forward to dropping any further (I am at 13 right now) and I feel terrible. I don't want to eat and I feel so sick all the time. I'm also constantly on the verge of tears and feeling both worthless and useless.

I am also getting very grumpy, especially regarding noise. I just want a simple  quiet life with NO loud noises. Definitely not Andy yelling at the dog...