Nerves kicking in...

Tomorrow is the big day when I'm back at work for the first time since the end of November last year. I have mostly loved the time I have been able to spend with Mikey, and now I'm having to leave him again...For the third time in his life, but there is no way we can afford for me not to work. I'm just grateful that we have found Debbie and he is so happy with her. It makes things so much easier for me knowing he is with someone I trust and who I know will do her best for him as he grows up...I believe her first challenge is going to be potty training! The only problem she may have is he often pops into the bathroom when I'm on the loo, but that doesn't really teach him much about his physical make up!!

 Another problem I'm having right now is my usual lack of self confidence. I have proved at both URS and CSL that I am more than capable of doing the job, but at the moment I have the horrible shadowy voice lurking behind me whispering into my ear that I'm going to make a huge mess, just as everyone who knows me would expect me to. I was never so lacking in self confidence before being ill...in fact a colleague who gave me my system training when I joined Norfolkline told me that I had an ability to talk about things I didn't  know and yet sound confident and believable. (At the time I was trying to train a temp who could speak German but had no idea what chasing people for payment involved.) We eventually decided that I would draft e-mails etc in English and she translated them into German and we did well like that until it was decided that her face 'didn't fit' and I was pushed into taking on a permanent staff member I didn't want (and who I eventually managed out of the job - not something I am proud of, but meant when someone tried to do it to me I knew what was going on.) If someone could sent me an imp to sit on my shoulder who will tell me on a loop that I am perfectly able to do this...

Thankfully our major Snow Event didn't really happen in Ashford!! Poor Folkestone seemed to be hammered as did Medway, but as the gritters have now been out all day I'm hoping that the M20 will stay open and ice free for tomorrow! The trip home could be a bigger challenge as Operation Stack is on as Northern France has also had a fairly substantial snow event which has led to eurotunnel cancelling their trains today and the gales/storms in the channel have also meant lorries being delayed over here, plus there was a problem actually getting them into Dover to go through to the Port.

I only went as far as Sainsbury's today, Mikey came with me and was not impressed that his hands got cold! (Terrible Mummy forgot his mittens) plus the store had closed the entrance on the parent & child carpark side and walking around to the opposite entrance meant taking on a kind of windtunnel to get in...I have no idea what the wind chill factor was there - but it was colder than England is meant to be! But rather than following the sheep and stockpiling bread and milk, I needed baby wipes! I did get some more bread as I know we will run out before the end of the week, plus I had to restock the chocolate stash!

Guilty Pleasure

Sunday evening is one of my guilty pleasures...basically I'm a bit of a Gleek! I know I'm not their target audience but I enjoy it. Tonight was a Christmas episode which also touched on the pressures to conform. The character Marley has either anorexia or bullimia and Sue Sylvester who is usually the person you love to hate broke into her home and left a tree and money for treatment.

As the mother of a boy I had hoped I'll never see my child feel under pressure to conform to peer group pressure. Yet he has already asked if he is fat and if he should be on a diet...HE ISN'T EVEN 3 YET.

I have no idea who has put these ideas into his head but right now he is in proportion and neither over or underwriter.  Who the hell tells a toddler that he is fat

Further Update

Life has been rather manic this week! Unfortunately it started on a bit if a downward move. I spent most of Monday e-mailing loads of stuff to the Agency ready for all the checks Verifone needed to be done. Once they had all gone, including the form for my CRB check which had to be sent rather than going quickly by e-mail, I relaxed and had some quality time with my son who seemed to feel his Disney Junior comic is better in a loose leaf format for some reason...I really can't understand how the toddler version (or the adult version) of the male brain works, and to be honest I'm not sure I want to!!!

Tuesday appeared, bright and rather nice, I sent over yet more documents and got on with my day with Mikey, but just as Andy got home I got a call from the Agency to tell me that the job at Verifone had totally fallen through. It appears to all be down to internal Politics, a previous employee who had left to go travelling had stayed in touch with their previous direct line manger who had agreed to give them the credit control job I was offered the Friday before. This Manager was in charge of credit control in the UK owned firm, but has been replaced by the new US owners, I can only imagine that Mahanna doesn't yet feel secure enough to over ride the decision and I really don't envy her taking on a team who just want to over ride her decisions...I have been in that position and the stress nearly killed me. My agency weren't too impressed wither - they had paid out for the credit and CRB checks and as I wasn't now being appointed they have no way to reclaim their costs. Somehow I doubt they will ever agree to act on behalf of Verifone again. As our conversation was ending Paul mentioned he was also recruiting for another 6 month contract, unfortunately not as close to home but a similar salary and could he send my CV? I had no reason to say no (I still need a job) so agreed and was told I probably wouldn't hear until sometime next week if they want to interview me.

Wednesday was not a good day as I was, in theory, starting work on Thursday but now had nothing to do but start job hunting yet again. Mid morning I got a call from the Agency, I had got an interview on Friday at 12.30. I agreed then started thinking about what to do with Mikey - not exactly a professional move to take him with me! Thankfully Nanny & Grandad were available and that suited Mikey down to the ground! Luckily this only gave me 2 days to wind myself up, and on Thursday Mikey was in a totally adorable mood and happily ate whatever he could get hold of! We had a really good time together and I got lots of cuddles - something I never say no to!!

Friday morning was slightly manic as my interviewed was moved forward to 12 and I needed to get Mikey to Medway before 11.15 when Nanny was off for  hairdressers appointment. The weather was yucky, wet and getting more and more foggy the nearer I got to Nanny and Grandad. Bless him, Mikey had filled is nappy on the trip over so my first job was to change a nappy whilst trying to keep a black suit clean! For once he didn't wriggle too much and he was soon redressed and busy plying with the Toys Nanny had brought downstairs interspersed with trips up to my old room to find more toys! We all left at approx 11.15, me to find South East Water in Snodland, and Mikey and Grandad to drop Nanny at the hairdressers and then go to see Aunty Nicky!

My trip to Snodland was pretty uneventful, but very foggy and far to many white and silver car drivers seem to have forgotten to put lights on - complete imbeciles. I found to office, but the carpark was totally full so I soon found a space on the road and wandered back to reception through the rain and dampness. I was 10-15 minutes early and a lady from HR took me over to the building the interviews were happening in and the candidate before me had already finished so I went in early. To be honest I don't feel I interviewed very well as I was too aware of how much we needed me to get this job - also I had assumed this would be credit control for corporate customers, but it wasn't, it is for private customers, last time I dealt with direct customers was my first job and Royal Insurance (and a few at URS, but they were mostly insane, I never got any sense out of them!!) I was out by 12.20 so called the Agency back to report that I didn't feel it went well and  I didn't feel I had interviewed well at all... Including a bad case of mouth like a desert which made speaking tough! Paul said he would let them know I didn't feel I had interviewed well then they went back to him. So I headed back to Walderslade to find Mikey and have some lunch. As the Fog seemed to be getting thicker Nanny didn't want us leaving too late so at around 2.30 we were trying to get Mikey to put his coat on I noticed my phone was receiving a call. It turned out to be Paul - I was offered the Job!! It turned out all the candidates were from his Agency and I was the only one who hadn't felt it went well!! Denise had asked Paul to contact me first and I assume there was a 2nd, 3rd etc choice if I turned it down...Needless to say I didn't,  and I start next Wednesday! I have now decided that I am only accepting future interviews on Fridays!By the time we got home I decided I was going to have a couple of hours feeling smug! I had beaten 4 other candidates as well qualified as me and the feedback I had been given was rather nice. It isn't often that I feel happy about something I've done or achieved so I decided to make the most of it!

So now Mikey and I have 2  more days together then he is back to Debbie for 4 days a week and Nanny & Grandad for 1 day, he is also going to start potty training now as both Debbie and I have noticed lots of signs that he is ready. And the thought of being nappy free and travelling a little lighter also appeals!!

Experiment!!!

This is a sort of test...I've loaded the app onto my phone so now I can blog when and wherever I want too!!!

My main problem is I have no idea how to post this...
Probably time to press everything on the screen to see what happens!!!!!

Crash Down

Today has been a day of extremes...I started of apprehensively as yesterday with Mikey was best described as a total nightmare. But today he was a totally different child, cute, smiley and cuddly. I put the change down to him realising that there won't be any massive changes and possibly he had picked up that the changes may not happen until next week.

But as I found out earlier this evening there are not going to be any changes at all. My agency called to let me know that they have been having a major row with Verifone who have decided that the job they offered to me on Friday has been subsequently offered to an ex-employee who had resigned to go and travel. Also the job has altered to a 3 month probation which will then turn into a permanent role. Apparently this person has stayed in tough with their previous manager (not the credit control manager) and they handed them the vacancy without checking with the Manager handling the appointment. Paul who looks after me at the Agency is furious as they messed me around a few weeks ago by fibbing about calling me when they didn't, and then they offer me the job very quickly following my phone conversation but also demand a basic CRB check and a credit check as well to be done prior to me starting. I was also asked if I would commit to staying for at least 3 months as recently they have had a couple of temporary staff walk out after 1 or 2 days. I agreed to all this and have been sending scanned copies of forms and proof if ID all over the place!

I was very calm while I was talking to Paul, but if I'm honest I am tempted to go and put a large stone of brick through as many of their windows as I can (but then again that would bugger up any future CRB check) He is almost as angry as I am and has told me that I have acted professionally throughout this fiasco and he is now searching even harder to find something for me. I have used this Agency before and they have always acted professionally on my behalf, it is just a shame that some of their clients find it impossible to act ethically. Having worked for a couple of US Companies in the past I know how keen most of the reputable are to show their ethical work practises and how they care about the people they employ. It is a shame that VERIFONE aren't one of them. Personally I hope that Michael Page International aren't left out of pocket for the work they have done on my behalf...and maybe I have had a lucky escape as they really don't like to treat their temporary staff well - maybe I should have picked that up from the 2 before me who walked out so quickly...

Just a thought, they are opposite a pub...maybe someone will do what I'm not brave enough to...

All change!

When I left CSL after being made redundant I sort of decided it was going to take me 3 months to find another job. Finding the job at CSL had taken me less that this and I can only think I was making an allowance for the downturn in the UK's finances. I know from experience that when times get tough credit controllers are usually sacrificed early as although we collect money, we don't actually generate any extra income personally. This time it has taken me 3 months and 1 day - I am taking this as a success as February only has 28 days and I was interviewed and got the job on 1st March (also my Mum's birthday, another good omen I hope)

I will be working for Verifone, provided all my credit and CFB checks come back ok, I am happy that I'll still be in Ashford rather than on the other side of Maidstone in the middle of nowhere. Since 2008 my priorities really have changed and I really want to find that illusive state known as work/life balance. Even more so since Mikey's arrival...I've had my time dashing around and putting work above everything else. I have finally accepted that I'm not irreplaceable, I am not essential to a large, international company and if I am not there it is easy to replace me. But replacing my son...not possible.

Although the last 2 days have not been easy with Mikey, we are well into the 'Terrible Twos' This morning I had a wooden car track and a basket full of cars and various crayons thrown at me. Hopefully the fact I haven't taken my blood thinning tablets over the last few days will mean I won't get too many bruises. In the end after moving most of his toys to the kitchen I decided we both needed a time out so I somehow got him up stairs (thank goodness my hair was tied back as he was trying to grab a handful or 2 while also kicking me. I'm also relieved I hadn't put his shoes on earlier, he got dumped into bed rather unceremoniously and the gate on his doorway was shut so he couldn't escape. I went up to check on him once the yelling had quietened down and he was fast asleep. It seems now he can get out of bed himself he's getting himself up far too early. He already has a blackout blind, maybe a gro-clock is a good idea as it shows him clearly when it's ok to get u and when he should be asleep...

We are also still having fun with food...or a lack of food if I'm honest! He will still happily eat microwaved french fries with a side of Ketchup, spicy couscous, and spaghetti or beans. Fromage frais is also still a big favourite, both for it's taste and the mess it can create. But as for protein from meat - not happening at all...on a really good day he might eat a quarter of a fish finger (provided it is smothered in ketchup).

I'm sure he is going to love being back with his childminder, it gets him away from his terrible mother who seems to spend most of her time saying No to whatever he wants to do...Plus he'll have a whole conservatory full of new toys to play with. And being next door to the playground is even better - for a 2 year old it is going to be heaven!

Catch - up Feb 2013

I have been meaning to update for ages, but as usual I didn't quite get round to doing it.

Mikey has now finished his 6 weeks of speech therapy, and I have learnt that speech therapy isn't exactly about his speech...instead it is looking at his social skills so we've had lots of games where he can't just grab any car/toy he wants, especially if someone else is playing with it at the time. I have noticed an improvement is the number of tantrums but when he does decide to have one it can take a while to calm him down again. We have a review in May to see how he is getting on - provided Mummy has survived the time between now and then! We have also seen his developmental consultant who seemed quite happy...he asked Mikey to draw a variety of lines and shapes, the first 2 were repeated nicely but then I saw a look I recognised!! When Dr Freiburg drew a circle, Mikey threw the crayon at him! He then moved onto rolling a ball towards Mikey, who threw it straight back at him with some force (while Mummy tried her hardest not to collapse in a fit of giggles) Mikey was doing his normal way of walking, basically at a high speed run! But he was also pleased with the way he runs, last time we saw him he was saying Mikey wasn't really walking properly - but there was no mention of that this time. I felt much happier as I got the chance to talk to him about my fears with his eating (i.e. he only wants junk) but he told me that Mikey is a well proportioned, happy little boy and  all that I'm doing is increasing the stress on me - and I should ignore all the advice I get from other people as he will eat when he is ready to. I was also told that I should be proud of my son and proud of what we have achieved so far with him. I have never felt that good after seeing a Dr, and at least I know now that I can feel proud of what I've done so far...just need to keep it up for a few more years!!

The day after the last speech therapy Mikey and I were happily considering hibernation due to a rather grey and cold day...thankfully after lunch my phone beeped to remind me that Mikey was having a hearing test...I had totally forgotten about it and Mikey was wearing most of his yoghurt from lunchtime! There was also a strong scent arising from his nether regions, so it was a trip upstairs and a very quick stripping of a small person and then a dash down the the Rainbow Centre. I should have been more relaxed as like any other NHS appointment they were running late and Mikey had time to have a good play with the toys in reception!
When we got in it was far more high tech than I have imagined! We decided it might be easier to have him sat on my lap while the test...he had 2 tiny plugs in this ears and when a sound was played in each ear a box on that side of him lights up. On the right we had Piglet and Roo and Pooh on the left. He actually was very good and the test itself didn't take too long, it finished up with an ultrasound drawing of each ear (at least I think that's what it was). The official report will be sent to the GP I believe but the testers were quite happy to tell me there are no problems or issues with his hearing and the heavy duty antibiotics he had in his first week have done no damage at all. (I believe it was Gentomiacin he was given - probably not spelt like that)

On Wednesday Andy had the day off and we turned the nursery into a big boy Pirate room! Mikey was at Debbie's for the day so we took the drop side off his cot. changed his lampshade, put his skull & cross bones rug down and Mummy got artistic with a load of pirate stickers!!

As soon as he saw it Mikey was trying to get into bed, still with his shoes on! So far he has managed 1 night without falling out! The first night he managed to roll under his bed which scared both him and me as I heard him crying but when I walked into his room couldn't see him until a small foot appeared! We then called for Daddy to lift the cot/bed so we could drag him out without bumping his head! Friday and last night he just rolled out in his quilt as stayed asleep on the floor!I think it is safe to assume he likes it, most of Thursday was spent dashing up and down stairs to check it was still there! And often it is called a 'Party Room' so I have no idea what he is planning to do in there and to be honest I probably don't want to know!!!