Been a long slog....

It has been a stressful few weeks, Mikey has been throwing up on a pretty regular basis and I got fed up being told by Dr after Dr that he has a virus. At the end of October it was almost a daily occurrence and my poor little boy was losing weight. It was really bad on Tuesday night an we ended up taking him to see the emergency Dr at the hospital (and as per usual, by the time we got there Mikey was full of beans and bouncing off the walls!) We had a bit of a wait to see the Dr, who did apologise for that which was rather unusual for any visit there I've made before, and he determined Mikey was (at midnight) perfectly OK, but there is an underlying problem that needs to be investigated. So Tuesday morning I'm on the phone to our GP and the receptionist made sure we got a morning appointment. Mikey and I arrive to be told...he has a virus. He didn't even weigh him and basically told me I was being a neurotic mother and wasting their time and I was told to take him home as he was tired (well he had been up until about 1am throwing up etc)

For one I did as I was told, but to say I was getting fed up was a considerable understatement. I ended up calling and asking for a 2nd opinion. I was told by the receptionist that they had an appointment in the afternoon, but I would only be told the same as the 1st Dr in the morning. I took M back to the surgery and by now he was bored and annoyed at being woken up and threw a massive tantrum, laying on the floor and screaming until he went purple. Thankfully one of the assistants appeared from the pharmacy with a chupa chups lolly and he stopped screaming and calmed down and ate his lolly. By now I'm falling apart and Kirsty calmed me down too - sometimes a hug is a magical thing, I know I simply don't get enough of them. We saw the second Dr very soon after and he decided that the sticky boy has gastric reflux and there is some medicine that sometimes helps...he eventually decided to prescribe this after yelling at me for a while (I think that is just his mannerism, but I felt even more useless and small) For some reason he prescribed 15ml of the liquid with a 3 times a day dose of 3ml. It didn't take long to run out of the medicine and when we die, the vomiting was back. As anyone who knows me would realise I was rather annoyed. We had been instructed to keep a food diary for 3 weeks, but the medicine lasted less that 2 days and then he was being sick again. I ended up getting to talk to a Dr who expressed his displeasure that I had asked for a 2nd opinion and that the 1st Dr was probably right and it is a virus...I have no idea how I managed to keep calm and not tell him what I thought at that moment, but he is my little boy and I have known him intimately since he was about 18 weeks old - if anyone is going to know when he is ill and has a problem surely his mother will over a Dr who checks his eyes and ears and doesn't even bother to weigh him. I eventually got more medicine prescribed but with no advice on how to manage this or what the net steps might be.

My next stage was to get an appointment with the senior partner...Andy came with me as I wanted some support this time, but all he did was read the notes, look at Mikey's throat as he is still not eating properly and prescribe more medicine...That was it, still no advice on how this is to be managed, Mikey had stopped being sick, but then again he has stopped eating.I feel at my wits end, Mikey looks perfectly happy, but he hasn't put any of the weight he lost back on. I have lost al faith in the surgery Mikey and I are registered with and am now doing my best to get both of us moved somewhere else. I am usually very proud of having the NHS to look after me and my family - they saved the life of both Mikey and I, but if I can't trust my Dr it is time for me to move somewhere else. They have proved me right again this weekend but messing up my repeat prescription which has left me coming off the drugs which control my migraines cold turkey...The Dr I saw for a medication review recently told me I should not do this as it could be dangerous, but I had no choice and was accused of lying when I phoned this morning to complain. I still don't have my medication sorted and there is no way I want to ever speak to the staff or go in there again.I don't trust them to look after my health and certainly not the health of my son...it took a very long time to get him and the pregnancy journey was far from smooth so I'm not willing to take ANY risks over his wellbeing. The emergency Dr at the start of all this says he needs to be referred back to paediatrics and have this problem investigated so I waited for the months they messed around re my headaches, but now I WANT MY SON REFERRED AND A CURE FOUND.

So I guess this is a watch this space type scenario for now...

This seasons new look....

The last few weeks haven't been too muchh fun, poor Mikey keeps being sick. This started back at the end of August and over the last 2-3 weeks has been getting worse. It started off at night, usually when he was in bed which leads to a stressed Daddy trying to change the bedding while Mummy tries to calm Mikey down. But in the last few weeks he has switched to throwing up at odd times during the day and night...mostly while sat on Mummy's lap so this seasons new look is most definitely vomit!

My main occupation right now is battling with Drs. The GP's at our surgery are pretty useless. When I was ill they were great, and also while I was pregnant they were really good - the receptionist was great at getting me prescriptions done within 15 minutes when I ran out of stuff (which happened a lot thanks to baby brain) but now they have a new management team in and I am totally unimpressed. The reception staff have improved (one today told me I'd be better off taking Mikey to A&E) but the Drs...that is a whole different story. So far as I can see we no longer have a female Dr (so I am totally unimpressed) and the ones they do have seem extremely unimpressive. We took Mikey to see an emergency GP last week who told me to take him to the GP on Wednesday and ask them to refer him back to paediatrics. I did this, the 1st Dr we saw basically told me I was over reacting and to just go away. He checked Mikey's ears and throat but didn't bother to weigh him and told me it was a virus and he didn't look malnourished. I was so angry that I then demanded a second opinion, when I took him back Mikey was not at all impressed and had the mother of all screaming tantrums in the waiting area. The reception staff  brought him water, but Kirsty from the Pharmacy prodcued a lolly which stopped him very quickly and then tried to calm me down as I was crying and i a bit of a state. The 2nd GP told me it is probably Gastric Reflux and gave me some medicine to stop the vomiting and Gaviscon. The medicine seems to help - but we only got 5 doses and it was to be taken 3 times a day before food... It did seem to work, but Saturday night Mummy got covered again and yesterday it was Nanny's turn. This really does seem to be a look for the females in my family... Mikey has decided that infant Gaviscon is horrible and has refused to take it

As I am now probably as fed up with this as Mikey is, I dropped him at Debbie's this morning and charged to work to ring the Surgery. It took a while to get through and the receptionist took some details and said the Dr would call me back. (this is before 9 this morning) By 1.30 I hadn't heard anything so I called them back and after being on hold for about 15 minutes got through and was told his name was still on the list! But if I was worried to take him to A&E... By this stage I'd gone past worry to furious and panic. The Dr called me back just before 2 and obviously hadn't bothered to read the notes on Mikey's records so I went through everything again, and I know full well he didn't listen to me. His first question was why had I seen 2 Drs on one day last week, so I told him that I wasn't happy with the Dr I'd seen int he morning so I had seen another in the afternoon. At which point I was told that he agreed with the 1st diagnosis that is it a virus. At this point there was a mushroom cloud over Yalding. I calmly explained that this virus had been going on since August and I was not happy with what has been done. So he is leaving another prescription for this medicine and also a bottle for a stool sample... They seem to have forgotten about the urine sample they wanted last week. I am trying to calm down but it is not really happening right now. I know they see 100's of people every week, but all I care about is my little boy and I want him to get the best care I can find. I feel a move to another surgery coming on as I no longer trust the one both Mikey and I are with. And if I can't trust my Dr how do I trust he is doing the best thing for me? I may well be a neurotic mother, but at least I care. Right n ow Mikey is the most important thing in the world to me and I will do whatever is needed to protect him and get him back to the Mikey I know and love,

Tempus Fugit

Been a tough few weeks really, last week Mikey got signed off by the consultant he has been seeing for the last year...and his heart was well checked and no problems apparent! That is a real weight off my shoulders that has been there since the 20 week scan and also the day after he was born and was whisked into SCBU. Just 1 more consultant to see now who has been checking his development as I know there were concerns that his first week could cause problems...but I don't think he has any, he is happily doing everything at his own pace and in his own time!

The rest of last week wasn't anywhere near as good... On Wednesday some kind child tried to take a chunk out of Mikey's arm,,,the bruise is still fading, and my bank called me to let me know some kind person had cloned my card and had tried to put over £470 plus lots of little expenses at an American hotel through! Lloyd's kindly cancelled it and sent me a new card which arrived yesterday, it made life interesting as the only way I would get cash was over the counter in  the bank...Yalding doesn't have a Lloyds TSB!!!

Thursday was a real mixture...my cold got worse and British Gas messed up our heating. But on the plus side Mikey got a new audience and really played to them! If he gets to much trouble I may well stick him on a plane to Chicago so Sue an play with him again! Or failing that I'll drop him off at Donna's! I love the way he happily settles down with people he doesn't really know - but following what happened to April Jones part of me wants to make sure he doesn't instantly trust every adult he sees as he does now...

Friday was British Gas trying to sort out the previous days mess...it sounds as though they didn't need to do much and got it restarted quickly... so my stress and bad mood the day before was all for nothing!!

I paid for my previous stress on Friday...I hardly slept on Thursday night and I honestly have no idea how I got to work! But there are no major dents so I got home OK as well! Saturday I started aching and it carried on to Sunday. But at least Downton distracted me for a little while. Monday morning was not good and I started throwing up - at one point I couldn't even keep water down. Andy got me a couple of bottles of lucozade and I switched to not eating mode. Today I've stopped being sick but there are still plenty of dashes to the bathroom :( I am shattered and dizzy - mainly from not eating I think as my blood sugar today was far too low...but I'm sure today's bottles of lucozade will soon sort that out! There has been a massive breakthrough...my toast has stayed put!!!

But in the meantime I can't believe how fast this year is flying past...only 76 days to Christmas and I have done precisely nothing and made no plans for anything at all! Oh well, maybe I will worry about that next month!

S.A.D. Here I come

We've had a pretty good weekend...Mikey certainly thought so! We headed to Broadstairs again as Mikey is of the opinion that the place is wonderful and Grandad is happy to splash around in the sea with him - what more can a 2 year old ask for!?!?! We got there around lunch time so quickly fed the small sand monster who quickly demolished his fish fingers and Ketchup before we had a salmon roll and headed for the beach. This showed the true advantage of pushchairs as the mat and blanket + towels and a bucket and Spade were quickly stored underneath the seat and we rolled off down the hill! Our spot was quickly staked and Mikey was off. Thankfully this time he did remember to take his shoes off at least but in his first return trip to demolish a sandcastle or two he was a tad damp (he had tried to sit down but Grandad wouldn't let him!) While demolition was in progress Grandad filled the bucket and buried it in the sand so it couldn't be picked up...this led to a fair amount of splashing and wobbling stood on one leg while he tried to de-sand each foot...he seemed to have plenty of sandy feet so this took some time and then Grandad started dropping pebbles etc in from a great height to even more splashing occurred! This appeared to be greeted as the best game ever and the shorts were soon totally drenched and sand covered whilst sand was shovelled into the water too.

At this point I gave up and removed the shorts and Nappy so we at least stood a chance of keeping that dry for the trip home! Not sure M was too keen to start with but soon was heading back to the sea with Grandad in tow! Plus eyeing up the boats which were heading out and the surf school who seemed to be having a wonderful time...I wonder what age I can sign him up for that??? The weather was wonderful, a light breeze so the temperature was perfect for me at least! Once it did start to get cooler we extracted Mikey from the sand and rinsed him off as well as we could, stuck his nappy back on and then wrapped him in a towel and stuck him back in his pushchair. He seemed to find this rather strange yet amusing - I am never going to understand the way this child thinks!

Once back at the house he had a shower...I think the screams would have been heard the other side of the UK! Demolished some biscuits (savoury and sweet!) and ran around like a lunatic, occasionally stopping if Disney Junior caught his eye! At 6 we tried to do the calming down ting with his milk and cuddles, but he wasn't having any of it and even when he went to bed he was protesting that he wasn't tired!

Saturday evening was spent at the Tartar Frigate for dinner... I though it was going to be a typical pub type dining room...but there were crisp white table clothes, napkins and gleaming silver...very civilised and very impressive - the boy did well choosing there! Having already had a glass of wine before we left I sort of stuck to that with a spritzer, Andy had Coke!! I think he was a tad perturbed by the lack of butter with the bread, but soon got the hang of the oil and vinegar! My starter was a Seafood Chowder...delicious but about 3 times as much as I needed! It had prawns, salmon, white fish and I think mussels in it along with potatoes, bacon and onions and Garlic toast on the side along with a pot of pink stuff and 2 unpeeled prawns (which Any had) In Florida I had only ever had a cup of Clam Chowder - far smaller than the small ocean I was given - I think the waitress was worried I didn't like it as there was no way I could finish it and also my main course! Andy had smoked salmon...again with unpeeled prawns but he seemed to be enjoying ripping them apart!

My main course was slow roast pork, on a bed of apple mash with a cream mustard sauce and crackling... The crackling was fantastic, the apple mash is going to lead to some experiments at home and the mustard sauce was subtle enough to not overpower the pork...which fell apart as you cut it and was moist and tender. Andy had steak and I was allowed a taste - wonderful. I wasn't so generous as I was enjoying mine far too much. I looked at the desserts going to other tables - they looked amazing but there was no way I could eat one and I was enjoying the flavours I had already had to much to add any more to the mix! I was slightly grateful for the walk back up the hill...but as I was wearing heels I was trailing way behind Andy!

I have got a load of photos of the beach...will upload some soon!

Driving home yesterday was no fun...sometimes you could almost see the car in front through the spray, but not often. Today is as bad, if not worse and strong winds are predicted for this afternoon. As I am picking Mikey up I am not going to be driving along my usual narrow, tree lined route, instead I'm heading straight for the motor way and up the A229! Hopefully avoiding as many trees as possible! I'm just fed up that is hasn't really got light yet...I have a feeling Saturday was it, the sun will be back next Spring. Getting up this morning it wasn't light enough for me to kick into get up mode, Mikey was fine and busy singing whilst I staggered to the bath room!

End of Summer

As the kids (except for certain small persons) have gone back to school, summer appears to have returned! I have discovered that sat at my desk with the window open provides a lovely sunny aspect and a most refreshing breeze. Which is a good thing as we really are in the middle of nowhere! One of my routes home involves wing mirrors being folded in to enable me to drive as close the the hedgerows as possible as the local, 'normal' people just stick to the middle of the road and seem to think if they go fast enough they will miss you! One large black scrape on my nice white wing mirror disproved this theory, but good old Dad cam to the rescue and polished it out for me and now I can't find it! The amount of dead bugs on my car also are good at hiding any scratches I pick up during my communion with various hedges!

Mikey has a new craze at the moment....He has discovered the fun you can have with Alphabet Flash Cards. Once you work out it is close to bed time you clamber (or rock climb) onto Mummy's lap and request 'Cards' which buys you an extra few minutes before Daddy insists it is bedtime (Mummy doesn't cook dinner until all toddlers are in bed!) The pictures on the cards are, on the whole, pretty obvious...Mikey adores them as B=Bus, at the moment his joint favourite vehicle along with Tractors! If you drive anywhere with my child you have to be prepared for shouts of joy every time he sees a bus! The big problem we are having at the moment is animal classification...In this set C=Cow... or in our house Goat! As does M=Mouse, also Goat, but we are fine with G=Goat, we get that right every time! For some reason last night R=Rabbit was just Miaow and P=Panda is met with a blank stare! It appears that the animal kingdom is now classified as Goat, Cat and Fish. If he can't fit a picture into any of those 3 it doesn't exist!

I blame his grandfather who have never told either of his grandsons the correct name for any animal! And also is of the opinion that when compared to Chemistry and Physics, Biology is not a real science! Which is probably why I often got sent for walks during biology lessons as I was so good at fainting during them...But I enjoyed both Chemistry and Physics and managed to pass O'Levels in both! But I did get extra revision tuition for both, usually when Moonlighting was on so my knowledge was strangely combined with Bruce Willis and Cybil Shepherd! But History was even stranger - the industrial Revolution was revised to Wagner! So singing in my head did bring dates etc back, but luckily nobody ever heard me doing it! My physics knowledge now is pretty much limited to the water at the bottom of ponds that are frozen often staying at 4c so fish can survive if the depth is right...but I have no clue how deep etc it must be - I can just image the diagram I drew 24 years ago...I can also remember one of Puck's speeches from 'A Midsummer Nights Dream' as we have to learn quotes and passages I think I got it into every essay I ever wrote! A-Level was easier, they let us take the texts in with us(which seeing as we read Chaucer in the original English was very helpful)!! But I do find it odd that after 24 years and everything my poor brain has been put through I still remember that line , but I don't remember my wedding...

Right now I have no idea what we are going to get up to this weekend...so far this week Mikey has been to Brockhill where he got amazingly dirty and found what is possibly the best slide in the world...I'm not sure how I can compete and beat that! We may go into town and try to find some different flash cards as I'm sure he is just learning the one's he has now and I'd like to work on a few more things and names with him. I am going to get him speaking English rather than Mikey... We are still awaiting his follow up speech therapy appointment and I would love to take him back and show them just what we have achieved without their help! I need to prove I am a good Mum to them and to myself I suppose. His recent bug has made me question myself a bit, although quite how I can protect him from whatever he had is beyond me! Plus I know I'm biased, but I think my little one is clever and I want to prove that to other people too. We had a bit of a delayed start when he was born, and it has taken a while to get walking sorted out, but now we are ready to start plotting world domination, I'm sure he will start recruiting to his cause soon enough!

Downward Spiral

I will apologise now for this entry...but  I am getting more and more depressed. All around me I can see other people's lives moving on whilst mine just feels stagnant and totally isolated. On the plus side I am still enjoying work - but part of me is scared that if I throw myself into this the way I did at the start in Norfolkline. And as that ended up with 5+ weeks in hospital plus a major bout of depression plus a feeling of really being hated and bullied I do tend to try to pull back a little - but also as I do enjoy the job I am inching further into probably doing too much. But today all I have done is check my e-mail to make sure a report I need from the USA has been sent, which thankfully has arrived so I will work through that on Monday rather than Sunday.

The last week has been rather worrying as Mikey has not seemed to get over whatever bug or virus he picked up. Thankfully he hasn't been sick since last Sunday - but to make sure he isn't sick he seems to have decided the best thing to do is to stop eating. Not good for your Mum when she is worried already worried and when you add in the target practice using toy cars, lorries and tractors as missiles against her as well. Yesterday he also lobbed a bus, cash register and spinning ball thing at me whilst have a fairly constant tantrum! I am really looking forward to '2' being over and seeing what '3' may bring...Only 10 months to go!!!

He is currently up stairs having a nap. I'm not sure if we are building up to another growth spurt, but he seems to need to have at least an hour nap every afternoon or if possible 2, 3 or on occasion 4!! It does mean that bedtime can be a struggle at times, even when you can see how tired he is and however much he rubs his eyes. All good fun I guess... and explaining why I am exhausted most of the time. Plus the drive to and from work can be fun... If I stay at CSL (as I'm really hoping I will) I would love to move back to West Kent...after all Andy works over there so between us we are driving 100 miles a day jut to get to and from work - which strikes me as crazy. Plus at least living that side of the county would mean I will feel less lonely and isolated which I do right now. But any mention of moving is ignored by Andy - plus to sell this house it will need a new kitchen at the very least and the thought of packing everything up does not exactly appeal to me as a fun thing to do. So I guess I'm stuck here. Maybe I need a new hobby where I can have some me time? I just have no idea what I want to do. I used to enjoy singing but the choir I joined down here after being ill didn't help me get the voice I had prior to 2008 back an to be honest I think I damaged it more. Other than that I have no idea...I just know I need to find something. I wish I was artistic - but Mikey can draw etc better than me at the age of 2.  So an suggestions would be really gratefully received.

September....

Sorry for yet another quiet period...

Work has been going well and I don't seem to have upset the States much recently!! The new system seems to be settling in well and they are a really nice bunch to work with. URS were also a nice bunch (mainly) but the prior working environment pre Mikey, was horrific.

The down side at the moment is poor old Mikey. We were at the coast the week before last and he was sick on the Tuesday and Sunday... then on Tuesday last week he was very upset and his temperature was really high. He wouldn't settle and kept going rigid - I was scared. As NHS Direct has a 4 hour waiting time we tried to call an ambulance (there was no way he was bending to fit in a car seat) but the controller didn't feel he was ill enough and sent us back the NHS Direct! Thankfully we got hold of a nurse quite quickly plus got some calpol into him, she advised we got him to a dr the following day, and as he had fallen asleep and stopped screaming, get him back to bed. I took Wednesday off work and for once my GP had an appointment available that morning. The Dr checked his temperature, ears, throat and chest and said he as fine and it was a virus (which by now had lasted a week and a half) He seemed much happier by the time we left and carried on for the rest of the week until we got to the weekend. On Saturday morning he was violently sick again and I was told to phone my GP again to get the emergency Dr number. Once I had spoken to them we were asked to take him in an hour later - the GP we had seen on Wednesday was on duty but left soon after we arrived, We ended up seeing a Dr from Andy's surgery who again went down the virus route. Again, by the time we got home he was full of life and seemed fine - but had a 4 hour nap as well!

Today we were off to my parents as it is Dad's birthday tomorrow, Mikey didn't eat much lunch but was full of life as he has had Jake to play with, who amazingly was fine coping with a cousin who is 10 years younger than him!!! He kept going all day and had a 15 minute nap on the way home. He took himself up to bed a little early, but by 7 the screaming started again and I resorted to calpol again...but within minutes he was violently sick again, all over his matress and the floor, plus himself. I stripped him off and replaced his PJ's while Andy changed his bottom sheet....a quick trip down stairs to settle him down and within 30 minutes he was fine and happy again.

I took him back up to bed and he was soon asleep again while I waited for Sainsburys to deliver. I can honestly say I am completely exhausted - I hope this week is not too taxing, I'm going back to work for a rest!!!