Emotions....

I know that when I am ill I get very emotional! Last night I was watching Glee and ended up in tears for no real reason.This evening I have watched The Firefly or Speedbird 2012 land and deliver the Olympic Flame from Greece to the UK. I can honestly say I am now feeling decidedly patriotic and also proud to be British... Not only do we have the Games only 70 days away now but we also have the Diamond Jubilee happening, something that last happened over 100 years ago. I'm actually now very aware of wanting to collect things that Mikey can look back on and think 'this happened in my lifetime', As he isn't even 2 yet the chances of him remembering any of this years happenings are slim! We have recorded the landing of the last Space Shuttle for him and this evening I recorded the flames arrival and tomorrow, if I can distract him from the Disney Channel, he is going to see the start of the torch relay.

One thing that is really getting me down is the feeling of isolation that is really getting to me daily... I adore my son but having a conversation with him is rather difficult, it means that spending every day with him and doing the same thing over and over again is starting to drive me slowly insane. I don't think the seemingly endless rounds of job hunting is starting to drag me down. All I want is a job that I can do... I've done the ambition thing and now I want to sort out my work/life balance and spend time with my family rather than in an office... who do I need to beg to in order to get a job???

My seasons appear to be confuzzled!

I an feeling decidedly fed up right now as through the day today my throat has felt more and more painful... It is almost getting to the stage where swallowing is painful so thankfully Andy has gone on an throat saving run to buy ice cream.

In my mind I really didn't expect to be getting this in May!! I had expected spring to have well and truly sprung. Instead it appears to have regressed back to winter. Today Mum's Taxi was at work taking Mikey to a speech and language Assessment. It seemed to go well, he is being referred for some help but hopefully by the time that appointment comes through he won't need it! The theory is of the better safe than sorry kind in this instance

Andy has done well...I am now demolishing a new Ben & Jerry's core ice cream, it feels wonderful on my throat so I'm a much happier bunny now :)

Job hunting has chaned a little now... I am now signed up with 2 Temp Agencies. The Salaries are far lower than I was previously earning, but I need a job with some income as I don't qualify for any benefits. Taking time off to have a baby means you don't pay any NI so you don't get any assistance when you are out of work. As I'm married and my husband works that also stops any tax credits if you are honest about his income. If I was an imigrant sinlgr mother I'd have money thrown at me. But since I am a married mother who has paid over 20 years of NI payments I don't get a penny. I hate being out of work, but it really doesn't strike me as exactly fair....

Update...sorry it's taken so long

Things have change a lot his year. I finished work on 9th March as my contract ended and I'm now trying to be a Mum and failing miserably at it.

Mikey is now growing fast and is mostly walking, except when he wants to get anywhere fast and he resorts to his high speed crawl or walking on his knees! I seem to have mastered most types of nappy changing protocols...even the vertical change when he insists on standing up and not helping in the slightest! I am also applying for every job I can find but I@m now fed up with the feedback. I've now been told twice that I interview really well but the job isn't 'challenging' enough for me. There is one good reason why I haven't applied for management roles (well actually 2) I now have very different priorities and want to try and find that elusive work/life balance (the other is that there simply aren't any management roles around that my experience qualifies me to apply for!)

The other major change in my lovely little sporty black car has gone...I have a feeling it had been sold before I agreed to the deal the dealership offered but I now have a bigger, less powerful car which is white - or in my case dirty grey/black and brown! But is does make life easier getting a small person into his seat in the back - mainly as I don't have to get in to strap him in!!

Speaking of small people, he is currently watching TV and taking his trousers off! I have asked why and he appears to have not heard me... I so need a female cat to try and redress the balance in the house!! He is now talking to me but all he will say is Debbie so it doesn't tell me much about the desire to remove trousers! He's also stomping on my feet which hurts if I'm honest! I have no idea what his current weight is but I may find out on Monday as he has a hospital appointment with his consultant to check how his walking is progressing...so cue loads of crawling and knee walking!!!

I think it is now time for a trip upstairs for a nap, he is now trying to pull my screen further back than it is designed to go and 'No' is not a word he appears to understand today. And having had over an hour of constant screaming this morning I really don't need him to start again.....

Sorry....

This Christmas was pretty quiet...my darling son passed his cold onto Daddy and I - And Mummy had to go one better and end up with Bronchitis! My first trip to my GP ended up with me being told to just inhale steam, I tried to tell him that I simply can't do that - but he didn't want to know. I went into the pharmacy to collect my repeat prescription and was told that I wasn't the first patient that day he'd told to do that! That was Monday, I was back there on Thursday to be told I should have been on antibiotics since Monday... Great! So I was only 4 days behind trying to beat this thing! Andy and I spent most of the festive season surrounded by tissues and trying to to keep ourselves going whilst Mikey was fine and pretty much ran riot! He has discovered that his Fisher Price Garage makes a good climbing frame and the cars etc he got for Christmas make great missiles!
He's also got a few puzzles but we are not yet at the stage where we want to put things in their 'homes' when it is more fun to cover the floor! He's also found out that as a nearly 2 year old throwing tantrums can be fun too....we've have the slamming feet on the floor and screaming if he doesn't get his way immediately...the next year or so could be fun I suppose! But he is still adorable when he puts his mind to it!
Today we had the first Mikey Masterpiece in colour, he was bought soem felt tips for Christmas but his cruel Mother felt that is was safer to try coloured pencils first, I make be a coward but I'm also trying to keep Daddy calm!
I have a feeling that we may have to buy a climbing frame and baby trampoline for his birthday, he can now climb onto the sofa and once he gets up there he just bounces and giggles! He'll even sit on the floor and try to bounce! Maybe once we've mastered walking we may need a trip to Margate in the summer if there are still trmpolines on the beach!
We're actually off the William Harvey Hospital next week to see a specialist about his walking -his left ankle seems to be too flexible and it could be that walking on it is simply painful so he has stuck to crawling, except when he wants to climb! We're both going with him, I can cope with most things but where Mikey is concerned I'd quite like some support with me!

Better late than never!!

This is a rather delayed update on Mikey's first proper trip to see Santa… Having read another persons update on the Reindeer centre I pretty much decided that was where we were going! Daddy didn't really have any say in the matter, but I simply wanted a good first experience for him (OK, he did meet Santa last year but he was only 5-6 months only and was terrified and buried his face in my neck!)

Thanks to me nagging a little we arrived not long after it opened, and thankfully it was really well signposted so getting there was easy! We parked on site and met a lovely dog who probably got tickled/stroked by almost everyone who was parking which he really didn't object to! First order of business was a quick trip to change a nappy…I really don't think Santa would have liked the aroma! We also had to shout at the pens of chickens and ducks, not sure they really appreciated whatever Mikey said but it had to be done! I'm assuming that feeding the ducks at Singleton Lake is not a peaceful experience for Debbie! Unfortunately the Raccoons were busy curled up on their sleeping shelf and obviously feeling unsociable as they didn't want to say hello! By the time Mikey was smelling fragrant again there was quite a queue so we went to join it and soon were making our way to Santa! Mummy was happy as the first think she saw were some large sparkly penguins! Mikey's eyes were enormous as he tried to take everything in, and he and Daddy say in the sleigh for a quick photo, although getting a non-moving shot was a tad difficult! The one minor mishap we had was the talking bear! Daddy said it was Brian Blessed's voice but I think Mikey found it a little too loud and booming, but soon cheered up one we moved past it and the little illuminated house came into view!

There was a slight delay once we got close to Santa's house but Mummy was happy making friends with the 2 Reindeer parked outside and the Chief Elf was very friendly and stamped Mikey's passport for him! (Plus she was blonde - always a good thing so far as my son is concerned!) We soon went through to meet the Big Man and Mikey was all smile and cuteness! Apparently not what is usually had from his age range - most of them scream and don’t' want to go near Santa, Mikey was soon happily sat on his knee without too much wriggling and he didn't try to attack the beard (which had been Daddy's biggest fear) Santa and Mikey had quite a long chat, I can honestly say I didn't understand a word of it, but Santa appeared to so hopefully everything requested will arrive on the night of the 24th! Mikey had a photo with Santa and got a nice big wrapped box to take away and we left Santa in peace to chat with the next child and went off to buy a copy or 2 of the photo! I was impressed £6 each, or 2 for £10! So we had to get one to commerate the 1st proper meeting!

We then passed through the last few rooms with lots of excited noises from the young man in his chariot (Or Maserati as Santa called it) and escaped back into the sunshine to move onto the next part of our Visit! We soon moved to the Barn, full of Christmas music and loads of animals… we started in Animal corner where Mummy made friends with a very friendly goat and fell in love with the ducklings, it would have been so easy to simply sneak a few into his push chair! The Bunnies and piggles were wonderful - maybe for next years birthday!?!?!? And then Mummy saw the bouncy ones at the back! Mikey was mesmerised by them as they dashed around - to be honest I don’t think he's really ever seen a Kangaroo so wallabies were a whole new experience and certainly don't move like animals he comes into contact with on a regular basis! We then had to stop off and get up close to a big Reindeer, we left the push chair in Daddy's capable hands and had a seat on a straw bale while a reindeer had a good sniff! I think the straw was more exciting the Reindeer as you could pull it out in handfuls! But he was very good and didn't punch anyone or scream, and was very gentle with the noses pushed towards him!

Daddy had to almost physically restrain mummy when she saw the Meerkats, they were so cute and rushed over and chatted to people, I know they are vicious but I really want one! We still had the Llamas and the Donkeys to visit and the Emus! Mikey didn’t seem to bothered by them and thankfully the Llamas didn't do their party trick! But the Donkeys were lovely … but those have always been a family favourite and maybe they kept their pen mates calm! We decided that he was a little too small for the snow and ball pit experience (the lack of waling wouldn't help either) so Mummy and Daddy decided it was time for their Mince pie and Mikey had a few swigs of Fruit Shoot to keep him going! Once done the final bits of his passport were stamped and we made a move back home as it was getting close to lunch time, stopping for a chat with a very loud cockatoo! Once Mikey had had lunch he went up for a 'nap' which lasted for getting on for 4 hours, I'm sure I have been told that sleep is when small people process and new sights/experiences etc - I guess there was a whole lot of processing going on!

Quite a week....

This week has been slightly manic. I had this afternoon off as Mikey needed a sitter and hasn't been a well boy, he threw up at Debbie's yesterday and did the same again this morning. But he's been fine all afternoon and this evening he was simply adorable. Lots of smiles and cuddles and yelling for Gary! (Debbie's partner)

The plan for this weekend is to wait for the replacement washing machine tomorrow and head off to the Reindeer Centre on Sunday to visit the big man in Red! It appears that the Santa experience there is pretty good and it's somewhere I've never been and have wanted to visit! Plus having heard 'Fairytale of New York' on the radio this morning I'm starting to feel rather seasonal!!

It's my sisters birthday today so I am very aware that we only have 4 weeks until the big day now, I really need to get organised as so far I've only sorted Mikey and Andy out! My parents are rather difficult as they pretty much buy what they want when they want it! My brother-in-law is the same! For my nephew...where is the best place to buy drum sticks!?!?!?

I've sort of made an early New Years Resolution...I'm going to try to post more often than I've managed this year, it really is a great way to remember stuff, especially as my memory is still decidedly dodgy most of the time! Maybe I need a smart phone so I can update when I have a break for lunch at work as our security means I can't get onto this site!!

My own personal demolition crew...

is commonly known as Michael Andrew Zerfahs! I had last Friday off as our normal childcare arrangements couldn't happen. He was cute all morning but in the afternoon turned into a demon Octopus!! One glass door from our TV unit now has a large crack running from corner to corner! Luckily he hasn't been near the washing machine so can't be blamed for that going to the great scrap yard in the sky! But he could be partially to blame as our washing loads have really increased over the last 17 months for some reason!!

Mikey is now seriously mobile. We have bought his first pair of shoes, not sure how long it is going to take Andy to get over the price when looked at in comparison the the size of the shoes! Walking happens with the various baby walking devices he has both here and at Nanny and Grandads or when hanging onto sofas or cot sides. But if we need to get anywhere fast he does a great impression of a herd of stampeding elephants across the lounge floor, more often than not when he is trying to distract Daddy from something he isn't meant to be doing!

I'm still living with my headache...in theory I am being referred to a headache clinic but that is reliant on my GP actually sending a letter off. As there are now only 2 full time GP's at the practice I have no idea when (if ever) any letter will actually be sent. But in the meantime I'm trying to not overdose on paracetamol as they are all I have to take as pain relief now and some evenings it hurts so much I just want to curl up and cry. At times the pressure inside my head is so bad I simply want to drill holes in my head to relieve it.