Looking forward

I am trying really hard to be positive right now...The main up type thoughts are, 1) I get to spend more time with Mikey 2) I won't have a 60 mile round trip drive every day 3) I won't be spending anything like as much on Petrol and 4) I can try to find a job nearer home so I will hopefully see more of Mikey when I go back to work. I can be truthful and say I'm not going to miss the drive, especially in the dark as it really isn't helping to reduce my headaches and the lights coming towards me on country lanes make me feel really dizzy...

So far I have applied for over 40 jobs (to be honest I don't think it's too bad for 1 week) but they are pretty much all over Kent and some I think will end up in London...that is something I'd rather avoid. I know the salaries are higher and 5 years ago I did consider it...but my priorities are slightly different now so while I still have the option to make a choice that is what I'm doing - so London is a no right now...(I'm female so I reserve the right to change my mind!)

I have an appointment at an agency in Maidstone next week, they are the people who got me the job at Norfolkline so I'm slightly apprehensive about going there, but they have been advertising credit control jobs in Ashford which would be perfect for me...so I'll go in with my new positive attitude and smile sweetly to convince them my CV should be sent to the employer as soon as possible! Right now I don't have enough to do so a job that will keep me busy is exactly what I need/want! If I'm doing a job I prefer to keep busy all the time, if I get bored my mind tends to wander and then I can get into mischief (what chance does Mikey stand with a mother like me???) But I'm sure Mikey won't mind if I leave him with Nanny and Grandad for a while...

This evening on my way home I need to stop at our local primary school as they are having an evening for prospective parents... I know mine is only 2 and a half but I really want him to go to this school as it has a good reputation and good results...plus we live opposite it and Debbie could continue to have him before and after school so he gets continuity which I feel is important, even if he is picking up a Scottish accent! I think I can express and interest in the school soon - but my main reason for going is to find if they have a pre-school class as I think that will do him good - especially as he is an only child and currently the only one with Debbie during the day. He needs to learn to socialise etc before it's too late.

When is this year over?

This is not a good week... but at least it should now start to improve, I don't even want to think how it could get any worse. Basically as of next Friday I am out of work. It is now anything I've done or not done, but all down to economics and a large pink elephant in the States (Sorry, private joke between Mikey and me) I'm more at the angry stage right now, they wanted a credit control system - they now have one and the UK outstanding is healthier than it has ever been before...

But I know what I've done is good and the system works provided someone puts the work in...and I can't see that happening. But if they don't work it then it will collapse...and getting me back to sort it out would cost them a whole lot more than they are paying right now.

Sorry, short post, but I'm shattered and have done a fair bit of crying today

A step into an unknown place....

Yesterday, as well as using me as a mummy mattress, which he hasn't done for ages, Mikey announced he needed a wee and wanted his potty! I was slightly flabbergasted and went into a minor panic mode while I looked frantically for his potty and tried to get him within my reach! We explained (for me, calmly) that he needed to pull his trousers down and take off his nappy. Unluckily he seemed to find this concept rather unwelcome and once we had stripped him down to the necessary, he gingerly sat, or hovered, over the potty and screamed! At this point we decided that retreat was our best option and found a new nappy and pulled his trousers back up. At which point he triumphantly sat happily on the potty!

I mentioned this 'experience' to Debbie today and she (having been through this before) decided that she would sit him on a potty each time she changed him. I did warn her about the screams as I like her and don't want her to decide that she is only taking school age children! I have received a text this morning advising he will only sit on the potty with his trousers on (again). Maybe this is going to take longer than I thought and I have a feeling it will also involve lots of laundry! But I also think it may be time to get some pull ups rather than 'normal' nappies so he can get used to everything involved with the process - and the standing up part is down to his father to teach him - after all I have no knowledge or experience of it!!

At the moment I'm trying to convince myself I'm feeling better. I was off work last week with a virus (for once I was happy with the diagnosis as it meant no more antibiotics!) I started to feel better last Friday and had a chat with a Dr (as usual no chance of an appointment) and was given some stuff to help reduce the symptoms. Yesterday I was feeling OK until I got to work and realised my glasses were 30 miles away in Ashford! So there was plenty squinting etc and I got through the day. This morning was different. I woke up feeling decidedly queasy, if I didn't know it was impossible I would have gone down the morning sickness route. I made it to work somehow (I have no real recollection of coming off the M20 and getting here!) and decided to sit quietly until I felt better and the world stopped spinning around me. That didn't happen very quickly but I did make it to the bathroom before the spinning took real effect. I guess I can see now why breakfast might have been a good idea rather than using stomach acid. After I'd cleaned up I grabbed a glass of water and wobbled back to my desk - I have now discovered that Tic Tacs are a great pick you up and help your mouth feel a whole lot fresher! Those little green and orange ovals kept me going this morning! At this point I decided to just get stuck into something and try to ignore the feeling that I was going to fall off my chair and the pains in my left side (whomever was stabbing a voodoo doll of me, please stop - it hurts!) at least kept me awake while I shivered. If this is a virus it really should be cultured and would soon bring most disputes to an end very quickly - provided they find a way to make it go away! At the moment I'm trying the cup a soup and sandwich cure! And my follow that up with the Kitkat I've been carrying around for a while! Actually, thinking about it I may well have the cure...Andy and I were both ill at the start of last week but Mikey has been fine...wasn't that how penicillin was discovered??? Or maybe his formula milk may have previously unknown protective qualities!!!

Been a long slog....

It has been a stressful few weeks, Mikey has been throwing up on a pretty regular basis and I got fed up being told by Dr after Dr that he has a virus. At the end of October it was almost a daily occurrence and my poor little boy was losing weight. It was really bad on Tuesday night an we ended up taking him to see the emergency Dr at the hospital (and as per usual, by the time we got there Mikey was full of beans and bouncing off the walls!) We had a bit of a wait to see the Dr, who did apologise for that which was rather unusual for any visit there I've made before, and he determined Mikey was (at midnight) perfectly OK, but there is an underlying problem that needs to be investigated. So Tuesday morning I'm on the phone to our GP and the receptionist made sure we got a morning appointment. Mikey and I arrive to be told...he has a virus. He didn't even weigh him and basically told me I was being a neurotic mother and wasting their time and I was told to take him home as he was tired (well he had been up until about 1am throwing up etc)

For one I did as I was told, but to say I was getting fed up was a considerable understatement. I ended up calling and asking for a 2nd opinion. I was told by the receptionist that they had an appointment in the afternoon, but I would only be told the same as the 1st Dr in the morning. I took M back to the surgery and by now he was bored and annoyed at being woken up and threw a massive tantrum, laying on the floor and screaming until he went purple. Thankfully one of the assistants appeared from the pharmacy with a chupa chups lolly and he stopped screaming and calmed down and ate his lolly. By now I'm falling apart and Kirsty calmed me down too - sometimes a hug is a magical thing, I know I simply don't get enough of them. We saw the second Dr very soon after and he decided that the sticky boy has gastric reflux and there is some medicine that sometimes helps...he eventually decided to prescribe this after yelling at me for a while (I think that is just his mannerism, but I felt even more useless and small) For some reason he prescribed 15ml of the liquid with a 3 times a day dose of 3ml. It didn't take long to run out of the medicine and when we die, the vomiting was back. As anyone who knows me would realise I was rather annoyed. We had been instructed to keep a food diary for 3 weeks, but the medicine lasted less that 2 days and then he was being sick again. I ended up getting to talk to a Dr who expressed his displeasure that I had asked for a 2nd opinion and that the 1st Dr was probably right and it is a virus...I have no idea how I managed to keep calm and not tell him what I thought at that moment, but he is my little boy and I have known him intimately since he was about 18 weeks old - if anyone is going to know when he is ill and has a problem surely his mother will over a Dr who checks his eyes and ears and doesn't even bother to weigh him. I eventually got more medicine prescribed but with no advice on how to manage this or what the net steps might be.

My next stage was to get an appointment with the senior partner...Andy came with me as I wanted some support this time, but all he did was read the notes, look at Mikey's throat as he is still not eating properly and prescribe more medicine...That was it, still no advice on how this is to be managed, Mikey had stopped being sick, but then again he has stopped eating.I feel at my wits end, Mikey looks perfectly happy, but he hasn't put any of the weight he lost back on. I have lost al faith in the surgery Mikey and I are registered with and am now doing my best to get both of us moved somewhere else. I am usually very proud of having the NHS to look after me and my family - they saved the life of both Mikey and I, but if I can't trust my Dr it is time for me to move somewhere else. They have proved me right again this weekend but messing up my repeat prescription which has left me coming off the drugs which control my migraines cold turkey...The Dr I saw for a medication review recently told me I should not do this as it could be dangerous, but I had no choice and was accused of lying when I phoned this morning to complain. I still don't have my medication sorted and there is no way I want to ever speak to the staff or go in there again.I don't trust them to look after my health and certainly not the health of my son...it took a very long time to get him and the pregnancy journey was far from smooth so I'm not willing to take ANY risks over his wellbeing. The emergency Dr at the start of all this says he needs to be referred back to paediatrics and have this problem investigated so I waited for the months they messed around re my headaches, but now I WANT MY SON REFERRED AND A CURE FOUND.

So I guess this is a watch this space type scenario for now...