25 July...

A view of the feet for Tina!!

This being a Mum is far harder than I expected - and I was tol some horror stories whilst I was pregnant! Michael is still of the opinion that sleep should happen during the day and the night is for keeping Mum and Dad wide awake instead.

I can now see why the  CIA and other security services use sleep deprivation as a form of torture... I can report from my personal experience that it works! Andy (bless him) took care of Michael last night and I got 6 hours of sleep. It was fantastic but not enough... I still feel quite a way from being human again and having felt tired during my pregnancy I can now confirm that was not really tired! I could honestly now sleep for at least 24 hours, possibly more, if it was allowable/possible.

I'm not really moaning too much - I love him to bits and when he smiles at me it all seems to feel worth it... If only he would sleep at night it would be fantastic and I'm sure I would feel that I'm coping better than I do right now. At the moment I feel like a total failure and I'm sure there is something important that I'm not doing, my while life and being revolve around a small person who has managed to find the perfect pitch to scream at and create a 'wonderful' headache for me! I have been meaning to wash my hair for the last 3 days...it hasn't happened yet though and really needs to happen very soon...

Setting a Routine!?!?!?

We actually had a pretty good night last night! No idea why - possibly the number of people Michael met yesterday wore him out!! It's looking as though we will ned to be out every day meeting people so he can sleep! And we can then sleep as well...should reduce the number of times I snap at people and hopefully seriously reduce the number of times I burst into tears for no real reason!

This week has had lots of firsts for Michael. He's been driven around by me for the first time  - we made it to Nanny & Grandad on Tuesday perfectly safe but with a car packed full of stuff!! On Wednesday we made it into Ashford and had the pushchair in my car for the first time...both back seats down but we made it! The only problems we had were when we got back to the car and 2 other idiots had parked too close - I couldn't open the boot or get the push chair round the back of the car or open the passenger door to get Michael in... County Square need some parent and child spaces so people realise what they're doing.

Thursday was a quieter day - really grey, depressing and windy so the pair of us hibernated! I had no intention of getting us both wet and miserable! But I did end up feeling rather trapped stuck in the house...maybe I should work out how to use the rain cover this weekend! I'm just not sure if it will go over the car seat or if I'll have to wait until he graduates to the push chair proper!!

3 weeks and lack of sleep

Well we've reached 3 weeks old... and if Michael doesn't start sleeping soon he may not make 4!!! (Only joking, honest!)

Michael did manage to let us have some sleep a week ago - but since then he's been impossible to wind and has been awake pretty much all night due to it. Yesterday I decided I'd had enough and having googled the problem decided that Infacol may help us out! So a quick trip to Tescos just before it closed and £2.69 later I had a magic bottle... Michael's face was a picture for the first dose, it was the first time he had tasted anything other than milk! I think he's getting used to it now, but does tend to screw his nose up after each dose, but on last nights showing it works so he'll just have to get used to it!

We had another visit from the Health Visitor today, she is really lovely and very supportive of me. Michael has out some more weight on and adding more may be easier now we've hopefully sorted the wind problem (at least reduced it!) But she is more worried about me than him right now. She is very worried about Post natal depression and the fact I'm just feeling very stressed and pressured right now. I'm also still very, very tearful so she is back next Monday to check me and talk through what support etc can be offered to me to help me cope with a baby and the way I seem to be feeling more and more. She is also following in Andy's footsteps with the constant nagging about eating - it may be a little easier now it's got cooler, rather than feeling as though I can't be bothered to eat I might even get round to it!

2 weeks old...

Techically Michael should now be with us as he was due on 4th July! I have no problem with him being 2 weeks old now, at least our birthdays are seperated a little more than it originally appeared they would be!

I have been discargd by the midwife tem today, but I am allowed to still phone them in a panic up until Michael is 28 days old - after that I have to phone the Health Visitor as the midwives have no expertise re babies over 4 weeks old!!! Crazy or what!

The midwife I saw this morning gave me quite a talking to - I have to start being nice to myself as I'm at risk of running myself right into the ound and I'm increasing my risk of post natal depression. I'm already feeling that I'm failing Michael as I don't know how to stop him screaming at 3am and I have been told to stop thinking like that and that I'm still learning...and it can take several months for summer babies to learn that night time is for sleeping simply beause there isn't a long period of darkness over night!

But during daylight we have a very contented and laid back baby, not much phases him and this afternoonn he happily filled nappy after nappy! All I've done today is feed him and change him! He's had several major naps but I didn't manage to do the same...Oh I've also burst into tears for no reason on several occassions - stupid hormones have so much to answer for!