In serious need of tlc...

This weekend wasn't bad, but this week has not started too well! I saw my midwife yeesterday morning and my BP was actually pretty low (especially for me) and there wasnt' anything else/new to worry about so I came home in a fairly positive, upbeat mood. I then got the results from my Retianl Scan last week (they were supposed to take 3 weeks to some through!?!?!) The Microaneurysm has been confirmed so I will be having a 2nd test in 3 months time, knowing my luck about the time I'm having a baby! This actually knocked me quite badly for some reason and my mood continued to sink all day :(

THhis morning I was off the WHH for my clinic appointment - seemes to go well until they found traces of protein in my urine again ...not for the first time, and are now in a panic over pre-e clampsia. SO my lovely midwife is coming out to see me on Sunday morning so I can pee on a stick again and have my BP checked...I have a feeling I'm going to be seeing an awful lot of her over the next few weeks...

I also nearly got forced off the road this mornign by Jct 12...the lorry was in the wrong lane to go to Dover and manaaged to not see me until I leant on my horn and he stopped coming over. I really had no where to go and driving is now starting to seriously worry and scare me, espacially down here with the sheer number of foreign lorries most of whom don't have the extra lens things on the side so they can see traffic on their right side... and my car is only tiny so I wouldn't stand a chance if they don't see/hear me

I think the pregnancy is starting to get to Andy as well...he's been diagnosed with tension - probably caused by me so I now have him to worry/feel guilty about...Luckily we both have next Tuesday off - 8th Wedding Anniversary so we just need ot come up with something to do that is not at all baby related and can help both of us to relax. And spend some 'Us Time'together as I think we've earned it and it may well be out last chance for years and years and years... Which is one scary thought!!

One other thing getting me down is the lack of things I can wear... I would just like 1 outfit I feel good in. We went out with some friends the other Saturday and I nearly felt good - but something didn't feel right - probably the fact any shoe that has even the slightest heel makes me feel as though I'm going to keel over. I guess I simply need someone to reassure me I don't look like a beached whale - even when I'm feeling like one...

Friday - Finally!

It's safe to say this has been an unbelieveably long week! Not helped by a small person waking me up in the early hours of each morning since Tuesday. This morning it was a few minutes past 3 and by 4 I was in so much pain from the indigestion he'd created I had to get up and go on a Gaviscon Hunt, as well as a quick bathroom stop! By the time I went back to bed someone else had spread out and was happily laid on his back snoring well...as a result he got poked, thumped, kicked and yelled at until he rolled onto his side - and continued to snore until the alarm clocks went off at 6.30 and I then decided I was more than ready to go back to sleep!

The lorries have already decided to ignore the new rules on the A20, this afternoon  I had 2 spanish lorries pull out straight in front of me and as soon as I got past them a polish one did exactly the same...Why is there never a policeman lurking when you need one??

On Sunday we're heading back down to Dover - to the Cruise & Leisure Show. We went last year and as well as a load of cruise companies being there most of the local Tourist Boards are there - hopefully we'll find some ideas for new, cheap days out for this summer that we can do with a small person...I really don't want to be stuck in the house and getting out in fresh air can only be good for all of us! Plus on Sunday it's a free thing to go to and it gets both of us out of the house and out together...something else that doesn't happen to often!!!

A mixed day...

Still not sleeping enough...I know it's good practice for once the baby is here, but I'm trying to go to work as well which is leaving me completely and utterly exhausted - and I doubt that is helping either me or the baby...

But there was some good news on the radio this morning...from next week the A20 out of Dover is banning lorries from going up the hill side by side. I've been moaning about this ever since I've been working down there. Trying to get away from Dover at the same time as the lorries being disgorged by the various ferries is never fun - especially when they are trying ot overtake each other going up what is basically a steep hill. It gets me really stressed and leads to road rage from many car drivers against the lorries that drive up the hill side by side on a 2 lane road stopping cars from getting up the hill at a steady, constant speed. The foreign lorries are also good at simply pulling out with no warning just because they think they can overtake the truck in front. The signs are already up and I really hope the police are going to enforce it or there is now point at all and the truckers will simply ignore it and carry on as usual.

Mum called this evening, my Aunt is in hospital and it doesn't sound too good. Even Dad has been making tentative plans on what he'll have to do if he needs to get up to Yorkshire quickly. I got told off for bursting into tears - but in my defence I am hormonal and it really doesn't take much to set me off at the moment.

I think it's safe to say I need a good weekend with some fun - not sure what I need to do but all I know is I really, really need to have a good laugh.

Long Day

I've discovered somethign else they never tell you at school when they are talking about pregnancy... Whilst pregnant the baby seems to have an in-built hatred of allowing it's Mother to sleep... At 2.03 am this morning I was woken from what can only be described as a rather nice and much needed sleep. For once I wasn't being kicked but someone was in full blown wriggle mode! It wasn't helped by the person on the onther side of the bed snoring well and producing nasty gases - he at least got poked and told to stop it!

Getting back to sleep simply didn't happen and I spent most of the rest of the night trying to get comfortable and failing miserably. All the books tell you to sleep on your lfet side to aid blood flow to the placenta - my hips are disagreeing with sleeping on that side and if I try to sleep on the other side I start feeling guilty and worry I'm going to hurt the baby somehow. At this point I usually get kicked so I assume everything is OK at that poinit and start trying to finid something else to worry about!

At around 6am I start to drop off and by the time I drag myself out of bd I look like death warmed up - no way can I be described as having a pregnancy glow - the total opposite is much closer to the truth! My skin tone is grey and I haev a complete set of luggage under each eye...heaven only knows what state I'll be in once the baby is actually here! And Andy only gets 2 weeks of Paternity leave...

I think I may have an early night tonight - get a few hours in before we start with the wriggling etc!

Eating...none stop!

Having spent the last few months winding Andy up as he seems to have been eating for two I appear to have started now!

It is safe to say 'I have the Munchies'!!! Today I could have happily chain eaten all day... I'm not sure why I'm so hungry all of a sudden, I just know that I am! It isn't even just for sweet stuff, this morning I easily demolished a packet of crisps and to me they tasted totally fantastic.

I'm still happy to sleep for England, but this morning I woke up feeling as though I hadn't slept all night. I know I did as someone woke me up by doing major wriggling (and for once it wasn't Andy!!) so I know I had been asleep...I just need to sleep for longer and better!

Right now I think the bump is in exploring mode - he isn't kicking whoch I'm truly grateful for, but he isn't staying calm and still, the best way to describe the feeling is lots of sort of ripples moving inside me...it is odd but sort of enjoyable!! I'm finally starting to almost enjoy being pregnant!! I never thought I'd admit that but as of now it is true! I just need to master sleeping and get over the munchies!!!

Week 25

Thank fully the last week has been much calmer than the week before...and I feel the baby is really making me very aware that he is there! I am coping better with the kicks, although he did make me giggle last night and this morning when he got the hiccoughs! Poor little thing probably doen't have a clue what is happening and I've got no idea if I'm supposed to try to give him a shock or something to try and get rid of them for him! Maybe I should start reading the Dr Spock book Nicky bought for us to get an idea of what I'm expected to do!

I've had my first diabetes eye scan/test thing today... It seemed to go OK, except for the fact my left eye blinked for the 1st 4 attempts to photograph it and it apears my right eye is more photogenic!! I did suggest that the right was photographed again and the image simply reversed to replace the one of the left eye that didn't seem to want to work!

There is a small spot on the back of my right eye which could become a problem  in the future, so I guess that will also be closely monitored... The aim is also to fit another scan in before I have the baby so I have all that to look forward to as well! But one positive thought is my left side reflexes (i.e. my blinking) seem pretty much up to speed and working just fine!

I'm still trying to sort the book cases out here so I can keep as many of my books as possible...I know there is still at least 1 box of them upstairs I havne't opened for years and they will be just ready for me to start reading again! Thankfully the large bag of books I've agreed to give up so far aren't as important to me as the ones in this box are. I have no idea why but books are simply important to me and have been all my life - I ust hope I can pass my love of reading on to my child, it has been such a huge part of my life and has helped me an awul lot, I love finding a good story that I can lose myself in and escape from the 'daily grind'.

Maybe I need to find a proper story book and start reading stories now...to get him used to hearing them!?!!? And I'd prefer to get him into reading as opposed to his Fathers aim of brainwasing him to love 'The Simpsons' - If that happens I will really need a dog so I can at least escape and walk the dog whilst the pair of them watch the yellow people!

Friday at last...

I've only actually been at work for 3 days this week as I had another ante natal clinic appointment on Tuesday...with yet another scan which didn't go down to well with the baby who has really had enough of being scanned.

The scan started off OK - and then the Sonographer had to tell me that the artery is still looking big... I could feel my blood pressure going up and told her fairly sharply that the consultant at Evelinas isn't worried... She shut up at that point and tested the blood flow through the Umbilical cord instead. That passed with flying colours and I was allowed to escape and saw a new Dr who has now called me back in 2 weeks rather than 4. But they now just want tokeep a closer eye on my Blood pressure etc which so far has behaved perfectly and it's my intention that it will continue to do so.

Wednesday and Thursday were fairly normal re. work but today was horrible driving... The Fog on the A20 was really thick and the idiots driving with no lights on got me stressed/annoyed and totally pissed off - especially the idiot in the silver Merc 4 wheel drive who completely vanished in the fog after ignoring everyone who was flashing lights etc at him. I just couldn't believe he was that thick and stupid. That sort of set the tone for my day and it went rapidly downhill from there...

I'm now really suffering from heartburn/indigestion and I ran out of Gaviscon last night. By 9.30 this morning it was back big time. I've never really understood why it is called heartburn until now, it really is painful... And seems to happen if I've eaten or not! But the baby was caught unching my stomach on one scan so I guess eating is irrelevant! I think from now on wherever I go so does my Gaviscon! I must have a chat with my midwife to see if I can get it on prescription - although thanks to Andy I now have a massive bottle to keep me going!

The Ides of March....

Well we made it up to London with me only bursting into tears once on the train...we took the easy option to find the hospital and took a cab...less than £4 and I arrived without feeling totally shattered, always a plus at the moment!

Evelinas Childrens Hospital is an amazing place and to be honest it's the noisiest hospital I've ever been in! We did learn it was named for Evelina Rothschild who suported the original Childrens Hospital at Guys before it flew over to St THomas's on Broomsticks on Hallow E'en 2005.

Once we'd gone up to the Arctic Floor (Floor 1) and found the Polar Bear Clinic we filled in some forms and the good old maternity notes were whisked away. Shortly after we were called in by the Chief Sonographer, Annette who was totally lovely and extremely calming - exactly what I needed and it helped that she had actually read thfough some of my notes so had some idea of everything I've been through. And even when the baby didn't want to do what she needed she stayed very clam with both of us and tried to coax him into moving where she needed him to go.

Once Annette had got as much Data as she could the tape was shown to the Consultant, Dr Millar who then came in to do a scan himself and reassure us that there were no real issues to worry about. The heart is beating at the rate it should and the blood flow in and out is perectly normal...the discrepancy in size for the arteries is nothing to worry about right now! The baby will be checked after birth but we don't have to go back to London right now :)

Week 24

The last week has been complete and utter hell... I had a follow up scan to the 20 week one on Monday - it really isn't good when the sonographer goes quiet and then goes to find a colleague to look too, and it happened to us on Monday (By us I mean baby and me, unforunately not Andy too) The problem appears to be with the pulmonary artery, it is slightly bigger than the aorta which is not good. I had an appointment made to see my consultant on Friday and I held everything together until I got back to my car and rang Andy. At this point I decided that driving to Dover wasn't going to happen and I took the day off to go home and basically cry...

I managed to pull myself together by wednesday and was back at work...the worst thing was nobody could tell me what the problem is...

Thankfully Andy got Friday off so came with me to see Dr Chisell, I was re-scanned and the arteries are stil different sizes but nobody is able to tell me what, if any, problem this could cause.We have been referred to Evelina Hospital at St Thomas's Hospital in London tomorrow...this is a specialist Childrens Hospital that opend on 2005 and was pretty much designed by children and specialises in cleft lips/palates and heart problems - so we're off to the top unit in the UK for fetal heart problems, so I'm sure they can sort us out...

It also helps that as of today the baby is classed a viable - so I now simply (!?!?!?) have to stay pregnant for as many days and weeks as I can from now. Each extra day means the baby is bigger and stronger and has a better chance. I've also been good and have kept my blood sugar controlled so the baby hasn't got too big or grown too quickly...infact we are keeping right where we should on all the charts they use at each scan... Plus I'm still being kicked regularly, I just wish it wasn't so often in the same spot...

Week 23

The last week has been really tough - not being pregnant, but being without Gizmo...

TOday my darling Husband took us out for lunch to Chimneys, it was wonderful - someone else doing the cooking. OK we had to go and collect it as it was a carvery, but I could have what I wanted and colecting it was all I had to do! The options today were beef, Turkey and Gammon, so seeing as I am pregnant I had turkey and beef! In my defence I was hungry...so there! And technicaly I am eating for 2 and I'm not sure which he prefers yet, so I opted for both! Plus I did have veg so it wasn't all bad...until I got to dessert but that is another story!

Dessert was very bad for a diabetic, but tasted fantastic so I think we both enjoyed it...and right now I thnk that is important, I want a happy baby :) It was slightly chocolate based (called a chocoholics delight) and I was busy smiling across the room at a small boy who was trying to avoid eating the pasta/brocolli bake his mother was trying to convince him to eat - most ended up in his hair! The joys we have to come I guess!

Yesterday I was out with my sister... the pram has now been ordered and should be delivered mid June - I've even managed to fold it and it had a gadget for Dad to play with when he is out for a walk! It is very adaptable - and has a carrycot as well as a push chair and car seat! So the baby can be nice and comfy and luckily for the inhabitants of Ashford not puch out in front for me to collect people on! But I'm sure I'll find a way!!!

If I'm brutally honest I am still terrified at the thought of being responsible for another person, I'm not sure I'm really capable of being responsible for me... I still have nightmares that the hospital won't even let me bring him home...